Hi

Welcome to the forum though sorry to read the reason you find yourself here.  We (hubby and I) lived with a terminal diagnosis for around three years and its not easy for either of you now.  My hubby was 60 (me 57) when the cancer was fully diagnosed and incurable. Whilst my husband did not criticize me he did turn away pretty much straight away as far as close contact was concerned (he just could not cope with it emotionally and felt it was his job to 'prepare me').  Nothing I said helped and the frustration was at time over powering - I felt so sad for him but could not make it better.  Our consultant and the GP agreed between them that a small anti depressant might help and he was willing to give it a go(in fact he would go along with any of their suggestions but not mine but I loved him and accepted that  he loved me but the cancer took away his 'personality'). I am pretty sure your husband knows as well as you do that you are coping the best way you know how but just sometimes we take out fears on those closest to us (both with a cancer diagnosis and day to day life).  His temprament (if totally different to how he behaved pre-diagnosis) could also be due to any medication or the type of cancer he has.

Come and chat any time as I certainly appreciated being able to write down my thoughts and felt less alone because of it.  Also talk to your own GP and find out what other help might be available for you both. Jules54

Hi Pauline

Just a quick word to  you to say your gentle loving dog will certainly forgive your outpouring andthe tears flowing will, I think, bring a natural release. From your profile you are on hormone tablets as treatment and  that ' absolutely no reason' (am sure there are too many to actually write about!!) rings a bell as a side effect.  Take care and sending a virtual hug for a very brave lady.  Jules x

Thank you Jules, my dog is a huge boxer who just sits and looks at me sadly most of the time.  He is going to live with friends soon on the edge of the Peak District in Derbyshire.  He has had a few  stays with them and they adore him.  I can no longer give him any sort of life and it is breaking my heart to know he is going.

When I went to the hospital a couple of weeks ago they said the hormone medication was no longer working and the tumours were growing.  They didnt know whether to stop me taking it or not and in the end said perhaps I shouldnt.  Since then I have been weepy, depressed and in pain so I dont really know where I stand.  Always something!

I hope you are okay, Jules, and life is treating you well. x

Hi Pauline

Such difficult times for  you and just wish I could give you a big hug though I know it wont makes things go away; I wish.  Not surprised that you are feeling 'blue' with all that is happening at the moment and hope you will get support you need from friends, family and GP  and the forum is here for you too when you need a good rant. Hope you can get your pain relief sorted out sooner rather than later.

I think I would say that I am 'plodding along' and dealing with the emotions of grief as and when they raise their head but have a good stock of happy memories to keep me company which is a blessing.

Jules x