Hi Spurs

My husband had terminal cancer of the lung linings and to be honest it is not easy to know what and when things may change as every patient reacts differently.  From my experience we had to be guided by what my husband said he felt like.  He wanted things kept as normal as possible for as long as possible and  then when a change occured we informed his GP/hospital consultant at the regular check ups (these were intially three monthly with the palliative care team at our local hospital and with the GP in between as and when necessary).  My husband did not wish to go into a hospice and he stayed at home with extra care when it became necessary from a good team of community nurses arranged though our GP.

As your Dad is now under a new area I would expect that all his notes will have been forwarded and if you have concerns you should contact his GP surgery for guidance in the first instance.  We were given a contact number at the hospital to ring and this may be information that your Dad has been given. As you mention some confusion in your Dad on occasion this could be linked to his medication and it may be an idea to talk to his doctor about this as very often types/dosages of medication can be altered to help symptons. 

Most of the changes we noticed during the latter stages of my husband's illness were with lack of appetite and fatigue with the level of pain being kept under control but he was certainly able to make his own decisions throughout his illness (he was in his early 60's) which, in some small way, helped us to cope together.

Our local hospice offers support to all family members, not just the patient, and as Brain has said it could be worth you talking to them as they will be a great source of helpful information during difficult times.

Take care. Jules54 

Hi Spurs ,

I'm so sorry to read about your Dad. My Mum has liver cancer too. We saw an oncologist just 2 short weeks ago and we're given the news that it was very advanced ,to late for any treatment . Mum gets very confused at times too,we were told it was because her blood calcium levels are too high. Shes had a couple of IV flushes and they have helped a little. I have found this website really helpful there are a lot of very nice people here, they understand what you are going through. It helps to have somewhere to go in the wee small hours when you feel alone. 

My sister and I are staying with Mum and helping my Dad to look after her ,he's 78 and although in good health is understandably finding this very difficult.

We've spent our time talking and laughing  about our lives together. Looking at old photos etc. General just enjoying each others company

.We arranged last Sunday to have  an early family Christmas .Tree ,Turkey and all the trimmings, Presents the lot . Even my eldest made a two hour journey to join us. It was truly magical . I had worried Mum would find it to much, she tires very quickly but she insisted she have her Christmas. I guess what I saying is you possibly won't get answers to all your questions, things can change daily. Food and drink preferences change by the hour. Go with it , my Mum has suddenly taken to eating ice lollys, something she has never done but she's enjoying them now. 

Since Sunday things have taken a turn for the worse. Mum was getting a lot more pain ,the community nurses and the nurse specialists from our local hospice have been amazing. Like you we are going to keep Mum at home and they have been popping in to make sure we are all OK. Let them help you, your well being is important too. Let them help you as you take this journey with your Dad.

Take care lovely, sending hugs by the score to you. 

Thankyou so much to all of you that have replied, very kind of you to take time out and reply.

Dad has his first apt at the hospital here tomorrow so wil be good to see what they have to say, just routine I know but will mention about him feeling confused and he says he feels quite dizzy as well.

Also he is going to wee so many times a day, not in any pain or anything but must go about 30 times a day, doctor checked for water infection last week and nothing so not sure why he is constantly going, if you have any toughts let me know.

I feel like im waiting for something to happen, as at the mo he seams ok other then the things i mentioned, Ive changed my hours from full time to part time, but keep thinking maybe I shoud just give up now and just spend all the time with him, but then another part of me says just wait and see how things go, so hard to know what the right thing is to do.

So sorry for all of your losses, my heart really goes out to you, and so sorry you mum is going through liver cancer as well, and that was a great idea that you had your christmas meal and presents, bet she enjoyed it.

Im preparing for xmas and im sure dad will make it to then as he seams to be ok at the mo, but i know deep down things can change daily so just keeping a open mind.

I lost my mum to breast cancer when i was 6, so my dad has been my mum and dad forever really so just want to do as much as i can with him and be there for him, so really not sure what to do about work, guess i will just see how things go.

Sorry hope that all made sense i know it was a bit of a ramble, and if you have any thoughts on him going to wee so much let me know, his wee is normal colour and no stinging ir anything.

xx