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dads got terminal cancer, what to look out for

spurs24
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Hi everyone,

 

Im new and just fell across this website  so hoping for a bit of support.

 

Quick rundown,

 

Dad had bowel cancer 18 months ago, had a operation and that went well, then they re scanned him and found he had it now in his liver, had few rounds of chemo but it hasnt done anything.

He is not on chemo now and he has now moved in with me, as lived over 200 miles away, he now has Stage 4 secondary liver cancer and in lymph nodes, they said he as months, but im not sure how many ? not sure how they know this.

 

So he is living with me and is now on steriods as was in a bit of pain, the steriods have made him pain free, other then the odd twinge. He seams fine in himself, is eating loads and manages to get out and about, but as of late he seams to doze of quite a but and sometimes seams confused, but then that passes and he is back to normal so to speak.

 

I have changed my hours at work so only working part time now, I just feel that each day Im waiting for something to happen. Im just not sure what I should be looking out for, and do you think things will change quickly, as at the mo he seams okish, other then being a bit dizzy and bit confused at times, its the not knowing i spose.

 

He hasnt had treatment not for 2 months so not sure really how long he has, just wanted a bit of advice and my head feels in a mess, Im not sure if i need to look into a hospice if needed later onm even i dont think he will go in one as i will look after him at home, but they have nurses that come out, should i mention this at his apt on thursday, its his first apt here since he has been with me, so not sure what they are going to say.

 

Hope all that nakes a bit of sense, i know it is a bit of a rable, just wondered if i should be looking out for anything, and how will i know when things change.

 

Thanks

 

 

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    Hi Spurs,

    Welcome to this friendly forum. You will probably find his energy levels will gradually get less and less and he will also spend more time dozing during the day. His apetite may also suffer in time too. That said everyone reacts differntly., no two people are the same. One thing is important; most cancer patients like to try and keep a little bit of normality in their lives otherwise they feel cancer has taken over. This is my view based on how my mother reacted years ago.

    With regard to the hospice, most people feel they are there just for end of life care but they are very good at pain relief too. Both my mother and my brother in law used to go to the hospice once a week where they played games and met up with other cancer patients. It might give you a little respite so I feel you should investigate it.

    Wishing you all the best and sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

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    Hi Spurs

    My husband had terminal cancer of the lung linings and to be honest it is not easy to know what and when things may change as every patient reacts differently.  From my experience we had to be guided by what my husband said he felt like.  He wanted things kept as normal as possible for as long as possible and  then when a change occured we informed his GP/hospital consultant at the regular check ups (these were intially three monthly with the palliative care team at our local hospital and with the GP in between as and when necessary).  My husband did not wish to go into a hospice and he stayed at home with extra care when it became necessary from a good team of community nurses arranged though our GP.

    As your Dad is now under a new area I would expect that all his notes will have been forwarded and if you have concerns you should contact his GP surgery for guidance in the first instance.  We were given a contact number at the hospital to ring and this may be information that your Dad has been given. As you mention some confusion in your Dad on occasion this could be linked to his medication and it may be an idea to talk to his doctor about this as very often types/dosages of medication can be altered to help symptons. 

    Most of the changes we noticed during the latter stages of my husband's illness were with lack of appetite and fatigue with the level of pain being kept under control but he was certainly able to make his own decisions throughout his illness (he was in his early 60's) which, in some small way, helped us to cope together.

    Our local hospice offers support to all family members, not just the patient, and as Brain has said it could be worth you talking to them as they will be a great source of helpful information during difficult times.

    Take care. Jules54 

     

  • Offline

    Hi Spurs ,

    I'm so sorry to read about your Dad. My Mum has liver cancer too. We saw an oncologist just 2 short weeks ago and we're given the news that it was very advanced ,to late for any treatment . Mum gets very confused at times too,we were told it was because her blood calcium levels are too high. Shes had a couple of IV flushes and they have helped a little. I have found this website really helpful there are a lot of very nice people here, they understand what you are going through. It helps to have somewhere to go in the wee small hours when you feel alone. 

    My sister and I are staying with Mum and helping my Dad to look after her ,he's 78 and although in good health is understandably finding this very difficult.

    We've spent our time talking and laughing  about our lives together. Looking at old photos etc. General just enjoying each others company

    .We arranged last Sunday to have  an early family Christmas .Tree ,Turkey and all the trimmings, Presents the lot . Even my eldest made a two hour journey to join us. It was truly magical . I had worried Mum would find it to much, she tires very quickly but she insisted she have her Christmas. I guess what I saying is you possibly won't get answers to all your questions, things can change daily. Food and drink preferences change by the hour. Go with it , my Mum has suddenly taken to eating ice lollys, something she has never done but she's enjoying them now. 

    Since Sunday things have taken a turn for the worse. Mum was getting a lot more pain ,the community nurses and the nurse specialists from our local hospice have been amazing. Like you we are going to keep Mum at home and they have been popping in to make sure we are all OK. Let them help you, your well being is important too. Let them help you as you take this journey with your Dad.

    Take care lovely, sending hugs by the score to you. 

  • Offline in reply to Leslest

    Thankyou so much to all of you that have replied, very kind of you to take time out and reply.

    Dad has his first apt at the hospital here tomorrow so wil be good to see what they have to say, just routine I know but will mention about him feeling confused and he says he feels quite dizzy as well.

    Also he is going to wee so many times a day, not in any pain or anything but must go about 30 times a day, doctor checked for water infection last week and nothing so not sure why he is constantly going, if you have any toughts let me know.

    I feel like im waiting for something to happen, as at the mo he seams ok other then the things i mentioned, Ive changed my hours from full time to part time, but keep thinking maybe I shoud just give up now and just spend all the time with him, but then another part of me says just wait and see how things go, so hard to know what the right thing is to do.

    So sorry for all of your losses, my heart really goes out to you, and so sorry you mum is going through liver cancer as well, and that was a great idea that you had your christmas meal and presents, bet she enjoyed it.

    Im preparing for xmas and im sure dad will make it to then as he seams to be ok at the mo, but i know deep down things can change daily so just keeping a open mind.

    I lost my mum to breast cancer when i was 6, so my dad has been my mum and dad forever really so just want to do as much as i can with him and be there for him, so really not sure what to do about work, guess i will just see how things go.

    Sorry hope that all made sense i know it was a bit of a ramble, and if you have any thoughts on him going to wee so much let me know, his wee is normal colour and no stinging ir anything.

     

    xx

     

     

     

     

     

     

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