Hi Mandy. You said your husband was diagnosed in August on my post. It is so hard dealing with your own emotions as well as other people around you. In the early months of looking after my wife I was angry with myself and the world. Asking questions like why her what have we done to deserve this etc. The whole thing was consuming us. Every thing revolved around her illness. We stopped seeing family and friends going out etc. One day I decided that we were going to not let it rule us completely. We started going away for a few days when possible. Having kids and grandkids over for Sunday lunch. We enjoyed the days when she was well and got through the bad days. Our normal was different to other people's normal. As we did this I became a lot calmer in myself and more accepting of what we were going through. Hopefully you will start to feel calmer and maybe more accepting of your situation.      Try to stay strong for both you and your husband 

Thank you Deano, you're right I have so much anger in me.  Anger at what this has done to my husband, robbing him of his future with his 10 yr old son who is struggling.  Anger at my life change too.  I'm not working at the moment and I am extremely worried about my job.  Just anger in general and I can't express this anger at anyone so I express it at me at my own expense.  It has and is consuming our whole world. I suppose I am grieving for my previous life, our previous lives.  I just get overwhelmed at times. Thank you for your kind words xx

Hopefully your anger will subside Mandy. Our youngest was 16 when my wife was diagnosed it is so hard for the kids but you have to keep strong for them. It must be so hard for the kids. Everything is one big worry. Work kids money it seems never ending but somehow you grow stronger as it goes on. I tried to cut down my worries by prioritising and thinking what is going to happen will happen and all the worrying in the world won't stop it. Not saying it did the trick but it eased my worries a little. Take care and if you need support drop me a line. Not saying I'll be able to help or advise but will do my best Hate thinking others are going through what I did. 

Thank you Deano, I will keep in touch, and you keep in touch too.  It is so good to have someone who understands the anger I feel.  I do try the " if it's going to happen, it will happen and there's nothing I can do" I'll  just try harder. Please look after yourself and be kind to yourself too xx

Deano - your thoughts and coping strategies are so inspiring and it makes such a difference to how we cope in times of distress and how you help others going through the same.   We were talking on another thread earlier this week about trying to come to terms with terrible things - the loss of a loved one, facing death, etc etc.  This can be impossibe for many of us to do and I was saying how a counsellor once told me to stop worrying about coming to terms, forgiveness, etc and concentrate on just accepting the situation as it is and go from there.  Acceptance is definitey the key and saves a lot of sleepless nights fighting to overcome the impossible.

You will help and inspire many others here Deano so keep posting - we are here to help you through and I hope you meet some new good friends here.  Take care x

Dear Mandy. You are going through so very much .have you any family and friends who can help you and support you? Sometimes we just need a hug or an ear to bend. Others a giggle and normal talk. What would help you truthfully, right now, that is achievable?? Xx

Hi Max56, thank you for your kindness.  I think you're so right, sometimes I need a hug, but also "normal" talk and a laugh.   I looked at your "about me" info and I am overwhelmed by your strength and all that you have suffered.  I admire you. And thank you. I will think of your strength and determination to be strong to help me when I have those dark moments.  You do not realise how much you have helped me. Maybe a slap round the face moment.  I am only the carer not the sufferer and I need to put that into perspective.  I can do this because I have people like you who will be there for me when I reach out.  Thank you so much, and please take good care of yourself xx

Dear Mandy - thank you for your kind words.  This illness is difficult for all involved - none of us want it in our lives whether we are the sufferer, carer, friend etc.  I know how angry you must feel and how protective to your husband and son, and the hopelessness.  Just try to deal with a day at a time - dont look back or forward - just concentrate on today.  One thing my husband and I do is talk in terms of living with cancer rather than of dying with cancer

The best thing you can ever do is get to the point where cancer doesnt take up your thoughts at every waking moment. I wont let it.  Go for walks together or take your son out, even if it is to the shops/cinema and talk about the ordinary everyday things you have always talked about.  Ask a couple of friends over for lunch or meet at the pub and ask them nicely not to talk about illness.  My friends all know now that we dont mention the 'c' word on social occassions haha!!

The forum is a safe place to talk to others about how you are feeling.  I have made some lovely friends here - Jules being one of them.  She will be able to really help you as she has been through a very similar journey as yourself and is just generally a wonderful lady.  I hope you make some good friends here too.  Much love x

Dear Jules, 

Thank you for your support. I've had a better day today.  We had a GP appt and I told him that I'd been hurting myself.  That was really hard for me, as he is a former colleague (I'm a nurse) but he was really good about it.  MacMillan are coming round next week, they did appear a couple of weeks ago but I was in a bad place and ashamedly (if that's a word) sent her away.  I have apologised profusely.  My husband too doesn't really talk about things, he gets quite angry quite quickly now, and when I cry, even really cry, it has no effect on him, and I end up feeling alone.  I know it's the area of the brain the tumour affected but it's still hard. I hope I have done my grieving for the past and must accept the here and now.  I was so busy initially, sorting everything financially but that period has been dealt with and reality is sinking in.  I think this forum will help me to express myself to total strangers but understanding total strangers.  Thank you xx