Lung cancer

Hi,my mother in law told me last year her doctor said she had shadows on her lungs 18 month previously, she said she didn't want treatment and I was not to say anything to my father in law or husband. She has had a tendency to exaggerate I did tell my husband and he approached it with my father in law .. He said she was fine. . we live some distance apart and don't see each other often they have just come to visit and she has aged 15 years in 9 months. My husband and father in law went out and she told me she has bone cancer as well as lung cancer. When they left I spoke to my husband and he said he spoke to his dad and said she is just getting old, she is nearly 80 .. I told him what I was told and we just don't know what to do.she is definetly not well.. I am sorry if this is not the kind of questions normally asked but I can't stop thinking about it. My husband thinks I am over reacting but he is concerned. 

  • Hi Alfie, I'm sorry that you have this worry about your mother-in-law possibly having cancer. Being almost 80 years of age won't make you look like you would age 15 years in 9 months. Perhaps her husband is in denial about how ill she may be, or he doesn't want you and your husband, (their son) to know what's going on. This puts you in a really tough spot since she told you she has cancer, however, since she has confided in you about her illness, perhaps you can speak to her directly and confirm with her again that you have understood what she told you. If she does confirm it, then you could ask her who else knows, since you don't live near them. Find out if she is getting the help she needs medically, emotionally, etc. and see how you can help her get what she needs. If its' confirmed, then her son, (your husband) needs to help also. Tell him its' important that supports for her be put in place. Perhaps there is another family member who lives closer to them who could help out, but get her permission first. Hiding one's head in the perverbial sand pile is not going to make this go away if it is indeed cancer.

    Good luck with it and come back on here and let us know how you get along. Good for you for taking this seriously.

    Lorraine  

  • Hi Alfie

    Sorry to read the reason that brings you to the forum.  When a relative confides such information and then asks you to keep it a secret this places you in a difficult position as well as a worrying time for everyone. When my dad was diagnosed over 8 years ago now, he did not want all the family to know about it as he also chose the no treatment route. He was in his early 80's and told Mum and me that it was his choice alone and he did not want others 'planning his future' whilst he had control.  He retained his dignity and that was important to him.  We supported him as and when he asked and he passed away at 85 in the hospice of his choice.

    It may well be that your mother in law finds it easier to deal with her illness by not sharing the facts with even her husband and son but perhaps, as she chose you to open up to, you could chat to  her again and see if she will allow you to have contact with her GP (you would need her permission to do so) and this would give you more understanding as to what is happening to her. Maybe she just needs a little time to deal with the emotions that comes with being unwell and i do hope  she will allow you all to support her soon. Best regards  Jules54