Mum has terminal lung cancer, Dont know what to expect

Hi I am new to this forum and have never done anything like this before, however I have no one else I can talk to without upsetting them.  My mum was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in 2013. It was Nsclc, Stage 3a. They said it was non operable but treated her curative with chemo radiation. Luckily the tumour shrunk and became operable. That was in June2014. She has been NED since. Two months ago she found a lump above her collarbone. the  Dr thought it was a cyst as she is fit and well and walks everyday. She has a lot of pain in her right shoulder and has done since the op so we put it down to that as did the Dr. Last week after some more tests we were told she has an aggressive recurrent tumour in her lung which has invaded all the muscle and  tissue  It is inoperable and no longer Curative. Any chemo is just life extending. We are all devastated and I am struggling to come to terms with it. When I am with my mum I feel strong and fine and enjoy being with her., as soon as I go away from her I fall to pieces and keep crying. I don't wanna feel like this and I don't know how to cope or deal with the situation. I'm fine caring for her but I also have 3 children. The worst part is not knowing if she has 6 months 8 months or maybe a year. It is awful living with the uncertainty and Knowing my mum is gonna die. She is only 66. I find it hard to believe as although her pain is so bad she is quite fit. I look at her and I think. How ? Any advice would be appreciated. I'm so sad

Parents
  • Hi Maria,

    I just came across this post, though I know it is from August. I am in the exact same position with my mum, who has incurable lung cancer. She is deteriorating quite rapidly now, having been so strong throughout various clinical trials and other treatments. We still don't know whether she has 3 months, 6 months, a year or whether she might even be around for longer. However at the moment I am so terrified, I think she might not even be here for Christmas. 

    I am the same as you when I am with her I am strong and positive, but when I am by myself I have racing thoughts and anything can make me cry. I'm 28, I don't have a partner or any children, which whilst being a blessing I'm sure in not having to cope with looking after them, means I do not have much distraction when I am at home alone. 

    How is your mum getting on? And how are you coping?

    Anna x

  • Hi Anna, just checking in with you and wondering how you are and how your mum has got on. My mum died in my arms on the 17th December, she fought to the end and suffered immense pain for the last four days, the day before she died she was wailing so much and couldnt even respond when I spoke to her so I did just carry on talking to her but because she was wailing it was very distressing and I insisted they put a syringe driver in to ease her pain. I wish I didn't, within the day my mums lungs started depressing and she died while I held her. I'm so totally heart broken. How are you as you are even younger than me and I have my kids to distract me . X 

Reply
  • Hi Anna, just checking in with you and wondering how you are and how your mum has got on. My mum died in my arms on the 17th December, she fought to the end and suffered immense pain for the last four days, the day before she died she was wailing so much and couldnt even respond when I spoke to her so I did just carry on talking to her but because she was wailing it was very distressing and I insisted they put a syringe driver in to ease her pain. I wish I didn't, within the day my mums lungs started depressing and she died while I held her. I'm so totally heart broken. How are you as you are even younger than me and I have my kids to distract me . X 

Children
  • Maria, I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your mum.    I am pleased you were with her and were able to help with her pain relief.  I f she had not had the syringe driver she would have gone on being in pain and I am sure that isn't what you would have wanted.

    Give yourself time to grieve and know you did your very best for your mum. x