Hi Nige - welcome to the forum although I am sorry to hear what has brought you here. The nurses on this site are great at giving information like this and you can ring them during office hours on the number shown on this page (its free). I and several others have secondary BC and if you can be a little more specific, I am sure we will help if we can x
Thank you for your reply. Sorry I missed it when it was posted.
The primary cancer was removed (mastectomy), there was no trace in the lymph nodes. She went for a CT scan for something unrelated and by chance on the same scan they found 2 swollen lymph nodes behind her sternum.
The cancer nurse has been very good. She says that they are "very concerned" and there will have to be a biopsy to find out exactly what it is. Howver, she is almost certain it's cancer and is talking about whether it's secondary breast cancer or a completely new cancer (lung cancer?). She seems to be ignoring all the other possible causes, e.g. infection, virus, etc. These are the possible causes I'm clinging onto in hope!
We have to wait 2 more weeks for the biopsy. We have 2 young children (2 and 5) and are struggling to keep them sterile from it all. We're going through hell at the minute. I feel guilty for going to work, I feel guilty for talking about how it's affecting me, etc. (Sorry if I'm bleating a bit).
I just wondered if anyone had any real-life positive outcomes of our symptoms that might encourage me/us over the next 2 weeks that they might share with me, examples that are true and demonstrate other causes of this symptom (swollen lymph nodes in the chest area).
My wife and I are the type who research everything thoroughly. This forum is something I haven't explored and hope will help.
Thank you for the advice about the number to ring, though I can't see it attached so assume the Administrator of the forum has removed it for confidentiality reasons?
As a woman can I give you some advice - Your wifes worries are very real to her and although you say she is not considering other possibilities she may well be but Cancer is the big worry for her so let her speak to you about this and give her a big hug. Dont worry about you going to work you have to carry on as normal and she will understand this. The waiting is the worst and she will need all the suppport you can give and this in turn gives you something posative to do. Dont forget though she does need to know how you are feeling dont try and hide this. Just be there, sometimes you men dont realise how important this is- shoulder to cry on someone to vent at.
Glad you have found the telephone number and am sure they will be able to help with your questions. Be assured that there are several treatments available for secondary cancer and many new ones being released all the time which can help your wife. I know it is hard waiting for the full diagnosis though and it will calm a little once you know this and a treatment plan is in place.
I know you will be going through Hell as you put it - what you say is also exactly how my hubbie feels. He works away during the week and hates to leave me here, feels useless as he cant make it all go away and feels terribly guilty too. We talk a lot and I understand that his life has changed immeasurably bringing restrictions that shouldnt be there for someone who isnt even ill. I feel terribly guilty too for the worry and hurt I am causing my family. In reality we all should realise that guilt should not be an issue - none of us have caused our situations - the Big C has done that.
River is right - your wife will need you there to listen and for 'a shoulder' but I am also very aware that so will you! God knows how I would feel if positions were reversed in our family and I was in your situation. So, I would suggest that you talk to each other as much as you possibly can about how each of you are feeling - it can only make your wife feel even more loved if she realises that you are sharing her fears albeit from a different perspective. Take care my friend and hear from you soon x
