Hello Kate,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I am a 71 year old who has had and recovered from prostate cancer. Mine was found early thanks to my wife making me go to my GP. I have a brother on law in your dads condition in that he has just finnished his chemo and has been told they cant cure him but they hope to hold the cancer at bay for as long as possible. I was so lucky; just had hormone therapy and radiotherapy. Still have some side effects like hot flushes but look on them as a small price to pay for the result I have had.

You are so right about people not knowing what to say. Even family members suffer from this at times. At a time when we need to talk more than ever before, it makes it so hard. Talking certainly helped me in the end. So if you ever need to talk, this is a great place to come for we have some wonderful people on here who understand the problems for most have have gone through the same thing themselves.

Wishing both you and your father all the best, take care, Brian.

Hello, I had to respond to your post as I have been through the exact same thing as you are going through now. My dad has had prostate cancer for 15 years and has had all the treatment under the sun! In November 2013 he had his first lot of chemo as the other treatments weren't doing the job anymore, and like you say the chemo isn't a cure, but is supposed to keep the cancer at bay for as long as poss. My dad finished his first round of chemo in about March last year and we had a lovely spring and summer and autumn with him in pretty good shape - he then started it again in December last year when the dreaded cancer came calling again. I don't know your family situation, or even how old your dad is or how long he's had prostate cancer, but I do understand what you're going through as it seems I'm a year or so ahead of you on the journey...  I'm happy to listen to your worries and share mine! My dad didn't respond well to the latest batch of chemo and it has been stopped - but that doesn't mean the same will happen with your dad. My advice to you would be (and it's very cliche) to take every day as it comes and to enjoy ordinary things with your dad. In my experience your emotions and reactions seem to adapt to every new scenario that cancer throws at you, when I first heard the words "dad's got to have chemo" I though I'd collapse there and then, but before long I was used to it and went with him a couple of times to give my mum a break. Then I got used to hearing the phrase "dad's got to have a blood transfusion" - you truly do find a strength you thought you didn't have in these situations. I also have friends who, although I know they care, are either scared to confront parental mortality so shy away from it, or truly just don't know what to say... Best wishes and good luck with the chemo to your dad (and you).

Hi Brian,

Thanks for the warm welcome. You are right it really helps to talk to people about the situation. It is quite refreshing to talk to people who are open and honest about cancer. I do believe that the more people talk about these things the more people are aware of signs and symptoms. 

I am really pleased to hear your story and that you have overcome this horrible disease. My Dad is a fighter, he walked me down the aisle in January and I have nothing but admiration for him. 

Thank you for the wishes, you take care too. If I can ever be an ear for you do please let me know.

Kate x 

Hello Kessygirl,

Thank you so much for your reply. This forum has helped no end. I can echo everything that you have said in your post. 

It seems as though your Dad has been fighting this disease for longer than mine. My Dad was diagnosed in November 2011 and to begin with he had several hormonal treatments and now the chemo. He will be 65 in April and we are having a big party! I am lucky to have a really supportive husband and I try to be there for my Mum and Dad as much as possible. 

Your advice about taking one day at a time is the best advice you can give. It took me a while to really learn how to do that but it really helps. I do agree that you learn to live with every new step as it comes. 

I hope that your Dad is doing well with his current line of treatments. I am happy to talk with you at any time and please do not hesitate to contact me. At times I feel that talking to someone in the same situation can make you feel less alone. 

I do feel frustrated at times that people quite happily ignore the subject when they are talking to me and then again I get frustrated with myself because everyone has their own life to lead and my problems shouldn't be their own.

Wishing you and your family all the best. Take care, Kate x x