Hi Hope

Thank you for your beautiful message what a lovely thing to say, and how nice that you lit a candle for me. I hope you are ok and not finding things too difficult if you need to talk im here to listen.

Sara x

Hi Sara,

How are you?  I did reply to you again on 12 Feb on here, hope you got it.  Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Hope23 x

Hi hope 

im so sorry I thought I had replied to this post? I'm loosing the plot sometimes :) I'm not to bad thank you my sisters wedding is hopefully this wknd I'm finding it hard to look forward to with all that's going on which is a shame tbh as I have never been a bridesmaid and this is the 1st major family wedding. I just hope it all goes ok I wil have my fingers crossed all week. I'm at my mums house now I've taken a day off to be with her. She is fast asleep. I love this site foe me its so good to have people that understand and I think I'll need it more once the inevitable happens. How are u doing?  Is your real name hope? It's a beautiful name. Hope to hear from u soon sara xx

Hi Sara, 

I am so sorry for such a late reply, I have only just logged in after the weekend. I hope you are ok. Thank you for your replies, I am sorry that you lost your original one, that happened to me once with my computer, very frustrating! I hope you had an ok weekend. I didn't do anything much for valentines, but my boyfriend did buy me a bag of cadburys giant chocolate buttons, I am easily pleased! I hope your boyfriend is continuing to support you. I have been with mine for 8 years now....still no ring tho! I hope your boyfriend was a little more romantic! 

Please don't feel guilty about anything although I think it is a natural part of this type of situation. we always do what we think is best and your mum would hate for you to be feeling worried about things. I have beaten myself up lots about what I should have done or didn't do etc but I know deep down we all did what we could. I felt exactly the same, I always thought that this would never happen to my family and that my dad would get better, even up to the last few weeks the hope was that he might still have some more chemo, so I lived in denial right up until the end I think (but maybe this is how we cope). 

I decided that I needed a new interest to keep my mind occupied. It might sound silly but I have started to collect vinatge/ shabby chic china in a hope that one day I could use it for my afternoon tea wedding ( I live in hope!) but I am enjoying going to car boots etc to look for different bits. I think it has helped to keep me from dwelling on things. 

I hope that your week goes well. Not long until the wedding. I hope you have a nice dress to wear! 

Take care, keep in touch. I am sorry that I made you cry with my earlier post. But remember you really are not alone. 

Love 

Emma xxx

Hi Sara,  I have noticed you have posted another thread and I will post on that one.  Just wanted to say that I hope things go OK for your sister's wedding, I know what a difficult time it must be for everybody. In answer to your question Hope is my user name; I chose it when I joined because I wanted to somehow believe there would be hope for the future despite losing Mum & Dad so quickly.  The site helped me a lot and I'm glad you are finding it helpful to.  Will post on your other thread now.   Hope x

Hi Emma

No worries at all.My weekend was not to bad thank  you and yes i did get a lovley bunch of roses and a card. He is continuing to be good yes although sometimes i worry i am doing his head in rambling on and crying and repeating myself and i feel like we are loosing us sometimes and all we do is talk about the situation. But im sure he understands. I feel bad for him to...Im glad you enjoyed your buttons ;) you have been together a long time, im sure a ring will be on the cards soon!

I think i am very much in denial, although i talk about it all the time and i dont even always get upset any more as ive spoken about it so much, i think when it happens i will get a huge shock! and i wont beleive it has happened! i feel like im talking about someone else and not myself?

What a lovely hobby! i dont think its silly at all! i think its great.The dress is really nice and ive just been and had a pedicure tonight which took my mind off things and made me feel normal for a bit. Its nice to be pampered and have a smile on my face for a bit.

What do you do for work? thanks so much for all your lovely messages they mean alot.

Sara xxx

Good evening Hope,

Thanks so much for all your kind wishes for the wedding thats really sweet of you.

Im feeling very anxious about it all and very under pressure i really hope it will all be ok, we are having a carer come to the wedding in the evening to help out with my mum and if she needs to rest the carer can look after her so her husband can have a break. It doesnt make me feel any better about the whole day though. We still have a long way to go (in her world) and i hope she is ok on the day and is not to over whelmed, tired, in pain, scared of all the people there i just dont know how she will react at all and im worrying about it terribly!

I will reply to your other post now. Keep in touch xx

Hi Sara

I saw your post and had to reply.  I feel your pain as my mum is suffering from bowel cancer and we found out last week that they wanted to refer her to the Macmillan team for pain relief as they feel further treatment would have a negative effect. 

Feeling scared is only natural and you really are being strong, this horrible 'thing' pushes us to be stronger than we can ever imagine.  It makes us realise sooner than we want to what we have got and what we will lose but it also allows us to make the most of every day and laugh and enjoy those great memories that have been created over the years.

I feel positive for you that your Mum will be at your sisters wedding.  You mum won't want to miss it for the world.  My wedding is in November this year and since last May when mum was diagnosed her focus has been the wedding and even after last news there hasn't been a day she hasn't mentioned getting her mother of the bride outfit.  Mum's dream of those special days for their children and are willing to fight to the bitter end.

I can assure you my words are stronger than I feel and there are tears whilst I write this as I would not want anyone to go through this pain.  The one comfort I have found since last Thursday is whilst we were being given the bad news about Mum, my best friend was in the same hospital giving birth to a gorgeous little boy to restore that not everything is bad in the world.

My positive thoughts are with you, your mum and all your family.

Laura xx

Hi Laura

Thank you so much for your reply it means so much to me.

I am sorry that you are suffering the same thing as me and my thoughts go out to you and your family also. How old is your mum? Do you have siblings? Is your mum at home? This sounds like what happened with my mum at xmas, she got every ill was in hospital over a month we nearly lost her as she had a fit and then they said there will be no more treatment as it is everywhere now. What have the doctors said to you?

I really hope you are right, there is just 4 days to go now, I’m not looking forward to it at all, I feel very anxious and stressed and I don’t know how some people will react to seeing her as some haven’t seen her the way she is now all skin and bones with no hair (she will wear a wig though) we have family flying over from the US and they will certainly get a shock.

Have the doctors given your mum an amount of time at all? sorry to ask so many questions and I understand if you don’t want to answer them. Is there any chance you can bring the wedding forward? My sisters was meant to be in Sept but she moved it when we started to see my mum deteriorate so quickly.

How has your fiancé been with it? That is lovely that your friend just had a baby J my friend also had a baby girl last week actually.

Would love to hear back from you.

Sara xxx

Hello Sara

Your Mum will be there.  Don't worry what other people think just be proud she is there and you are able to all share that special time.  It is hard to see our mums looking thin and poorly but she is there and what a party to bow out to seeing her girls together on a great day.  Spend the next couple of days pampering yourself and be ready to all have a big celebration at the weekend as I am sure that will put the biggest smile on your mums face. :)

My mum is 65, she is still at home.  She was diagnosed last May and it was in the lungs and liver as well.  She started chemo and was responding well to it.  Then early October she had to have emergency surgery as the bowel was blocked, from that point on she has had a stoma and really been recovering from that as they couldn't do further chemo due to the wound.  Come Christmas we were told it hadn't grown and she was in a stable place.  The next appointment was meant to be the 4th March.  So we thought we were in a good place.  Then mid January she was getting pains in her side and referred for a bone scan, two weeks ago ended up in hospital due to another blockage so she had further scans to then get told the oncologist appointment was to be last week. 

The only time indication was when mum asked about the wedding they said they would recommend bringing it forward and also the holiday my Mum and Dad had booked for May didn't look good.

We have spoken about the wedding and I am sure you and your sister had it from the very first diagnosis certain people have tried to get is to move it but my fiance and I didn't feel it was right.  He is australian so we can't really move it as it is his day too and for his family/friends to be there it is not an option. My mum has also said she doesn't want it moved for her so we have to respect that.  We could be looking at doing a pre-wedding dependent on how things go.  At the moment it is her goal and focus so we know she wants to prove everyone wrong still :)  I have never seen so much fight in her :)

I am the youngest of three girls, they are 7 and 9 years older so have had the weddings and grandkids.  That is my struggle that having one picture of Mum with our baby is a dream.  We did try doing everything backwards and doing the baby bit first but that hasn't gone to plan.

My fiance has been an absolute rock, we have cried together, laughed together and he has kept me going when I've had strops and just wanted to escape it all.  To be honest I think he is the one helping fuel any strength.

It sounds like you have good support in your boyfriend and all you family and friends will be there supporting at the wedding.  It can be hard thinking we are in this bubble and everyone elses lives go on but also lucky that we have such amazing Mum's that have made everything special since we were born.

I am sending big hugs as I really can relate to how you feel and woulf love to make it all better more than anything in the world.

Laura xx