Hi Tasha, welcome to the forum, but so sorry you have a need to be here. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad being so ill. I know it is so hard to stand by and watch him suffer when there is very little you can do to help him. You say the doctors have given up on him. Who decided to put in a stent so he can eat? If you feel that your Dad needs more medical care, or pain management, perhaps call that doctor, or get in touch with his family doctor. Regardless of what stage your Dad is in, he still needs good medical care to see him through this terrible disease. He's lucky he has you looking out for him. Contact his family doctor to get some answers and help in caring for your Dad.

Come back on the forum to let us know how you are getting along with this and to get some emotional support for yourself.

Take care.

Lorraine

Thanku so much for responding to me. We've been going to Oxford churchill dad went into hospital 2weeks before Christmas due to not eating. And found out the exit of his stomach was blocked due to the cancer, so they inserted a nose tube to empty his stomach, after 4weeks being in hospital they decided to insert a stent so dad could eat only a soft food diet due to the stent only being 2cm wide. We all thought great least this will improve dads eating an get him bac on track for chemo. Dad came out of hospital 2an a half weeks ago, even tho dad is eating it's very little it's better than nothing. Dads still been suffering since he left hospital we've been back an forth to hospital tried so many different tablets to help with eating but nothing has worked. It's all so frustrating. Hospital want to do another scan next week. We've told the hospital and doctors about dads bloating and pain they just say take pain killers and have put him on codeine and paracetamol. 

Tasha xx

Hi Tasha,

If dad is still in pain get back onto the GP or hospital as they are not managing his pain properly and reassessment needs to be done.  Do you have McMillan nurses helping?

Thinking of you, Kathy

Hi Kathy,

 thank you for your reply, I've been in contact with gp  they helped dad, he's on low dose of orahmorph now, trouble is he is constipated in the intestines, so he's on a strong dose of laxative, that's the main pain I think. Me an mum just helped him to bed an he appears settled so hopefully he'll have a good night tonight. Macmillan nurses are due to come next week. Doctors have only just referred him. It's all happened to quickly. In September 2014 dad got diagnosed no one had any idea, dad never had symtoms til December when Tumor blocked exit of stomach, had stent fitted 3weeks ago and got worse since. We feel so hopeless and u can see the fear in my dads eyes, I'm trying to be so strong for dad and the family I Havnt been able to let my emotions out. (I don't want that to sound selfish) I can't even imagine what my dad is thinking. This is all so heartbreaking. 

Thankyou you for reading my posts.

Tasha X.  X

Hi Tasha, I am glad the meds have been increased for pain management but yes constipation a bad side effect.  We used 3 types of laxatives every day to relieve this, a soluble sachet, syrup and laxative pills so I understand dads problem.

Good news re nurses appt for next week.  Please accept all the help and support offered and don't be afraid to ask for more.

How quickly our lives can change with this cruel disease.  It is important for you and mum to take care of yourselves      also I hope you are eating.  Do you have anyone who can support you to let you talk honestly.  Can you go for a walk, find a park bench and have a good howl?

I know you are trying to be strong for everyone .  I was fortunate in I have a lot of good friends who were only a phone call away and I asked them for help when I needed to.

This forum has lots of truly lovely caring people, we all try and help each other.  I am so glad you have found this site.  Sometimes writing what we feel helps.

Sending you a big hug, remember you are not alone, you have virtual friends here.

Kathy x

Hi Kathy, 

Can I ask what laxatives you used? My dads been so many different ones. Nothing seems to wrk. Dad had a very good sleep last night which was good. He now has oramorph. 

It is very scary how things can change so quickly. I can't even imagine how my dad feels, but I see the fear in his eyes, my dads never really been the kind of man who shows his emotions. I saw him cry for the time a couple of weeks back. Broke my heart. 

We do have some very good friends who are around to help. An other family members. 

It's more on me an mum coz we live with dad. So I've had to put my emotions to the side to be strong for mum and dad. 

Coz my dad cannot eat. I feel so guilty eating. I do suffer from a eating disorder when I'm feeling sad, low, I can't eat, the sight of food makes me feel sick. I no I hav to carry on eating be maintain my health but as u no it's hard. 

When I do pop out I feel very on edge and anxious constantly clock watching. I txt my mum to check up an even thou it's only taken 5mins for a reply I seems like hours. And I start panicing. 

Thanku again for replying. 

I hope u are doing well? 

Tasha xx

Hi Tasha,

I am so sorry to hear about the situation you and your dad are in. But I am concerned that you say you have not been able to release your emotions for allthough I fully understand the reasons for this, you do need to release those pent up feeling before they become to much to handle. I know you are trying to appear strong for the sake of your mum and dad but  never be ashamed of crying for it's natures owm safety release valve. It is so hard seeing someone we love suffering and not being able to do anything much about it. But taking care of ourselfs is not being selfish, it just plain common sense for if we become ill, there is one person left to look after them.

Sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian.

 Hi Tasha,

Recommended by our palliative care nurses movical, Actilax and colloyxl, but I would go with what your medical team advise.

Has dad anyone he can  talk to openly?  Hubby had me and we  spoke honestly and openly about the road ahead.  Also he was able to talk to nurses who were regular visitors so was able to build up a bit of rapport  with them.

I understand the desire not to eat but honey you have to have some input to be there and for the supporting you are doing.  Have some lollies, chocolate any kind of high calorie crap, as long as you have some intake- most important.

Am doing ok. Am from hardy stock xx

Hi Brian, 

Thanku for ur message, the problem with me is, all my life ive struggled with my emotions. Letting them out, Ive always tried hiding them, and this may sound strange, but I tend to smile in bad situations (to hide my emotions) all my family and friends no this so they all no I'm not being heartless. I no I need to let it all out before I explode, but in a way I think I'm trying to hide my emotions because I don't want to accept what dad has and what's going to happen. Even though I no but I don't think I've accepted it. 

Thanku for ur thoughts and wishes. 

Tasha xx

Hi Kathy, 

Yea of course. Just wondered to see if dad has already tried them but he hasn't. The doctors did prescript co-danthramer but dad didn't get on with them so he's now on docusol. So far still nothing. Dads spoken to me, mum and the rest of the family about it, and my aunty an uncle. He's spoken with a couple a friends and the district nurse. Think he might talk more when he meets a Macmillan nurse. 

My dad comes to me a lot, we're very close. I used to be a carer,(for mental health) so I no some helpful info for dad. but it's alot harder when its family. 

I will try my hardest to carry on eating even if it's little, last thing I want is to worry my dad. 

Tasha xx