My dad died a couple of years ago of lung cancer, he died 2 weeks after diagnosis and was so quick I didn't get to say goodbye, I lost my nan last year to dementia and shingles that went to her brain and watched her suffer, now my mum has beaten cancer twice before in the breast but now she has been told she has lung cancer which has spread to her liver and bones and only has a few months, I am trying to be strong for her and making her laugh as much as possible but I am breaking! When I am not taking my mum to appointments or helping her I have to work, I have no friends I can talk to - please someone tell me how to cope
Hi,
Sorry to hear your story, it's sucks doesn't it? Unfortunately I can't tell you how to cope because I'm in the same boat as you and I have no answers either. I know it's a lonely old place out there, no one speaks to you because they don't know what to say. I joined this chat forum only yesterday and am hoping that it will be my 'safe place' if that makes sense. Visit your GP if things get really bad for you, you have to look after yourself to be able to look after others. Stay strong x
I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds like cancer has targeted your family pretty hard. I know what it's like for I also have lost several family members to cancer as wel as having had prostate cancer myself. I honestly believe at times it is harder for the family of the patient for you try hard to show the world a brave face while the reality is you are breaking up inside.
I have no magic ways with regard to coping but I can tell you this. You will surprise yourself with how you cope. We cope if for no other reason than the fact we have to. Most people find themselfes stronger than they ever thought possible. The worst part is we often find ourselves feeling inadequate because there is often little we can do, apart from being there for our loved ones which is difficult when like you we are working. When my mother was slowly slipping away, I felt like I have described because when I was young and had an ilness, my mother always looked after me and helped me get better. But where cancer is involved, only the doctors can do this. But we can bolster our loved ones by making them laugh when possible, just like you are doing.
Your mother will be so proud of you. Just try and make as many lovely memories as you can. As regards to friends to talk to, I have been a member of this forum for over two and a half years and I am not joking, I have made so many friends on here and it feels like being a part of a big extended virtual family. You may find that once you get to know a few of the many lovely people on here you will be able to talk to them more openly than you could to close family. So anytime you need to talk, come on here for there is always someone ready to respond.
Sending kind thoughts and best wishes you way, Brian.
Hi there = oops seems to have missed you post. I am sorry to see how you feel so low with so much loss and suffering about you. It must be like your world is falling apart and letting you down. No-one knows how to cope - but we all do! Maybe, we all get strength from our inner being; and support from us here. Brian speaks so well and right from his heart - we are like a close and welcoming family strong enough to support you and help you back on your feet when you don't feel able to go on.
So, be brave = as my mum used to say - "many men went to war (she was referring to World War 2) and never returned: we all had to carry on". I think its all a natural thing = we all want things to go on like they should = but they don't always go that way and perhaps its just how life is.
So, be proud of Mum and you have this special time together.
Hi Dipy, welcome to the forum, but sorry you find yourself needing to be here because of your Mom's illness. You have come to the right place though as you can see from the people who have already responded to you. All of us on here either have, or had cancer, or are caring for a loved one with this terrible disease. Reading your post I can see that you feel all alone in caring for your Mom. I don't know what your situation is, but going through this with a loved one is very difficult when you have other family members for help and emotional support, but if you are trying to do this on your own, you must be struggling. If there are other relatives or close friends of yours, or your Mom's, I'm sure they would help you, if only for emotional support. People here on this forum know what you're going through and there is usually always someone ready to respond to a post, so don't hesitate to write up a post to get some support on here.
Stay with us and take care of yourself as you take this journey with your Mom. I know she must really appreciate what you do for her.
Hi Dipy, I am so sorry to read what you have been through and are currently going through. I don't think any of us know how to cope but somehow we do. I sympathise with losing your Dad so quickly after diagnosis, the same thing happened to me, my Dad died 3 weeks from diagnosis in 2013 and then my Mum died 5 months later 9 weeks after diagnosis. When you have watched somebody you love deteriorate and die from this evil disease you are terrified of going through it again because you feel like you know what's to come. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for your Mum but it is important that you have some support for yourself. I found this site an amazing support during my darkest days, I joined when my Mum was dying and like you I really didn't think I could cope. I found some amazing people on here and that is why I still log on today. I really hope that you find this forum a help too; nobody on here judges you and it really helps to write things down and get things of your chest. Take care and keep posting. Hope23
