Cancer Research UK main site

My dad

Denise1034
Offline

My dad has liver cancer which first started 3 years ago in his bowel. He has had three lots of chemo has been told that chemo is not working, this was last week. Dad has decided with his consultant that no more treatment will be given. Dad is 84 , lives alone I live 50 miles away . Dad has said when it comes to him getting really unwell he will take some tablets to end his life, as he does not want his family having to see him like that. I have tried talking to him but he is not listening we don't want him to do anything silly. Dad is going to see his Dr this week I don't know if I should call his Dr and tell him what my dad has said . I really don't know what to do I would stay with my dad but right now he won't hear of putting us through that .

  • Offline
    Hi Denise, so sorry to read about your dad. His declaration is obviously very distressing for you. If I was in your position, I would certainly mention it to his doctor. They can then use this to help them decide what they can do to help support your dad. Your dad is obviously trying to protect you all, but the medical team may be able to offer him information and reassurance about what may happen when he gets more unwell. Have you thought of contacting Macmillan at all as they offer support to both family and patient and they may be a useful 'mediation' facility - to get over your side of things to your dad if you feel he isn't listening to you. Please post anytime to let us know how your dad is, and how you're coping too. Hugs to you, Jo xx
  • Offline

    Oh Denise, I totally second what Jo has written - very wise words. I am at a loss to say anymore = my dad was like this - I guess it was his Army background - he left us twenty years ago and is keenly missed. I know my Dad was right and trying to help us -

    Let me send you and your family and Dad many hugs and light at this time

    We stand along side you

    Steven xx

  • Offline in reply to Meerkat@65
    Thank you very much Jo My dad Is trying to protect us I know that, but I can't let him do something silly. I will contact his doctor tomo and hope that his doctor can try and talk to him about this . I would look after him he would be able to stay at home I know this is what he wants to stay at home. I am sure we would get Macmillan to help us. Dad is very independent looks after himself and keeps the house ok, he will not let me do much at the moment . I just hope and pray the doctor can tell him not to do anything silly I will worry so much not only seeing him going down hill but thinking he could do something silly. I will also contact Macmillan and ask for help trying to come to terms with the months or weeks ahead. Thank you very much again thank you
  • Offline in reply to brighteyes
    Thank you Steven Just so very hard at the moment dad wants to do what he thinks is right for his family, but how can I tell him I don't want him to do anything silly I will help him every step of the way making sure his last months weeks are with his family and in his home . My world is being pull apart trying to stay strong for the rest of the family and my dad, I am strong on the outside and falling to bits inside, if that makes sense . Thank you again helps by just chatting about it as it's hard saying how you feel to family
  • Offline in reply to Denise1034

     

    Denise .... we all say things we dont mean when we are in your Dad's situation. When further bad news strikes, we go into the protect our most treasured people mode (the family).  With the news I had this week, I was going to disappear all over the place, take too many tablets, drown myself and end it all.  Its a natural part of the process. I do agree you should tell your GP dad's feelings though. My oncologist had a straight chat with me and told me what may happen and how it would affect myself and my family.  He assured me that he would do his utmost to help us all in everyway possible so that we could all be together and put no undue pressure on any us.  It was hard to hear but when you know what you are potentially facing it is hopefully what you can all aim for united.  Of course you want to be there for your Dad and he knows that, it just takes a wee while to accept new news and make a logical and informed decision.  Ask as much as you can and use Mcmillan who are priceless x

  • Offline in reply to max56

    Yes = and feel assured of our prayers as ever. Its a tough time and I do know the MacMillan nurses visited my dad many times and brought him peace and from that peace for us all. Lets hope the experience draws the family closer and gives you rest.

    XX 

    Steven

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.