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Update on mum

Candy23
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Hi everyone. Sorry I have been away so long!! Only just remembered I had created an account on here!

Just thought I'd pop on and add an update for everyone I had spoken to in the past. I will recap for anyone else who reads this and doesn't know my story

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and was given radiotherapy to shrink the tumour as it couldn't be removed safely due to it's location. We were hopeful since after her treatment she had a scan and was told it had shrunk dramatically. Unfortunately two days after this she took a turn for the worst and ended up in hospital in a bad state. We eventually spoke to a consultant who told us it had spread to her brain and was terminal. She bounced back after this and was released home, and was told perhaps chemo would prolong her life and was her decision, this is where I left off last time I wrote on here. Just an update to say she decided against the chemo after being told it may not help and would make her pretty sick, wasn't worth it at the time as she was still pretty able and in a good way. Since then she has been in and out of hospital a few times, nothing as serious as the first time. Celebrated Christmas, new year & just recently my birthday. Glad for this although she is sadly getting weaker and sorer, spends most of the the time resting.

Anyway just thought I would post an update! Thank you for reading xxx

  • Offline in reply to GARF

    Hi

    I must say I am having another bad night, been pretty upset again.. Just letting everything get to me! Thank you for checking in on me

    Hope everything is ok and you haven't had to rush off due to anything serious, talk soon

    xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Sorry about that Candy and no it wasn't for anything serious.

    You say you are letting everything get to you and I'm afraid that it will for quite a while yet as the loss of your Mum is still very much an open wound and extremely painful.  For several weeks after Dad died I would actually talk to him and ask him questions about something completely ordinary that had or was happening at the time and I could hear his voice in my head answer me.  Obviously I only did this when I was on my own but it gave me some comfort while the pain was still very raw.  Also I will be talking to someone or respond to a question and when I answer it comes out in Dad's voice.  I really like it when that happens because it lets me know what would have been going through his mind when remembering him say the same words.  I hope that makes sense.

    Listen out for your Mum as you go through the everyday things and I hope you will hear her more often than you may think. I am also part way through something to help me deal with losing Dad but I will explain that later.

    Hugs to you and a virtual handshake to your boyfriend for the support he has given you.

    Garf. xxx

  • Offline in reply to GARF

    Morning Garf, no worries!

    I am feeling a little better today thankfully but i know it will be up and down for quite a while. Im sorry but i had a wee chuckle there when you said obviously you only did that when alone lol, i can imagine you doing it in public and getting some strange looks ha! Wow thats an unusual thing to happen, i hope i experience stuff like that!

    For me right now the pain i am feeling is more down to imagining what mum went through and her dealing with it on her own rather than pain from actually missing her (which i of course do). Like i have said before she was very independent and never asked for help so she dealt with much of it on her own and im finding this hard to get over, keep beating myself up wishing i had been there more! I look forward to hearing about what you are half way through!

    Thank you, hugs to you and your family!

    xxxxxx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy,

    Just reading your thread and felt the need to jump in on your latest conversation with Garf.  Candy all your feelings are entirely normal; for ages I kept beating myself up about could I have done more, did I make right decisions etc, I have cried and cried over this many times.  However I have come to realise that I did everything I possibly could given the circumstances that I found myself in and I'm sure you did the same.  There are so many waves of emotion going through this grief journey and it continues for a long time.  Wishing you strength, make the most of the better days and when you have a bad day remember there will be another better one.  Hope x

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy,

    How are you doing right now? I can understand how thoughts of what your Mum went through are at the forefront of your mind and I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest other than maybe try what I am half way through.  This may not help you and it may be too soon after her death but it may be worth considering for the not too distant future.

    This was suggested to me because after eighteen months since his death I was still struggling to come to terms with losing him and so I wrote him a letter.  I told him all the things that I wish I had told him while he had been here including various appologies for hurting his feelings when I was thirteen to hurting his shins with a boomerang when I was about five.  The thing is Dad loved the sea as he used to be in the merchant navy and so we scattered his ashes to sea off the coast in North Wales.  Although I have written his letter I have not been able to "post" it to him until my wife and I hopefully take a trip to Jersey in a couple of months.  While on the ferry I will take the sealed copper container I have put his letter in and throw it overboard.

    Maybe you could write a letter to your Mum if you feel you need to appologise for not being there more but I am sure she would never have thought that of you.

    Let me know what you think.

    Garf. xxx

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