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Husband Diagnosed with a Brain tumour

Niks
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Hi all

My husband was diagnoed in December with a brain tumour... We are a young family in that we are in our early 30's and have two small children. I didnt ever think that this could/would happen to anybody that I know, let alone that I am madly inlove with and married too...

On the surface I think I am doing a pretty good job of looking like I am dealing with it, but like that old saying I feel like a duck! on the surface I look strong but beneath the water I am struggling.

We have been told that he will be having scans every few months and it could be years before/if anything happens but how are we meant to deal with it that... I really dont know and if somebody could help me I would be really grateful. He seems to be getting on ok, perhaps he's feeling the same and just not saying I dont know but, everytime I am alone I sit and cry and the slightest sight of anything remotely emotional I break down... 

How can I be strong and feel like this!! I am worries that we have years of this to come and I am not going to manage!!

I'm frightened to ask more questions because I am frightened of what the answers may be! Is that normal??

I know I am not the one with cancer and I know we are not the only people to have ever been given this diagnosis but right now I feel so alone and am worried this is foing to beat me.

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    thats spot on, "fighting a battle that cannot be won" feels so bloody impossible

  • Offline in reply to sl75

    Hi

    Nothing about this journey is easy but though your husband does not feel the need for outside support from reading your other thread (mine has been the same for over 2 yrs) please get some for yourself/children if needs be. Both MacMillan and our local  hospice support the family as a whole and I can ring them if I need support.  My husband refuses to 'talk' about things not because he refused to believe what he had been told (far from it) but because emotionally he cannot deal with the upset it causes him. The only time I get to find out how he really feels is when we attend hospital appointments together and I have stopped second guessing as much as possible in case I get it wrong.  We too have not only friends who stopped 'dropping by' but  his brother and sister now decide to stay away most of the time as they cant deal with it (one older, one younger).  I 'hurt' for my husband but attach only blame to the cancer.  His personality has changed but its not his fault and I now take each day one at a time and cope better that way.  Its very sad, but I think important that we make memories today (my friend kept a diary for her family to remember her by) which will mean so much in the future whenever that happens to be.  Don't want to go there really but it gives me some little control over what will be.  Sending virtual hugs. Jules  

  • Offline in reply to Whitney
    Hi, My husband has a brain tumor that had to be removed as it is too large. We have gone through the devastation of finding out, trying to deal with the information. All had been very emotionsl etc however we have done thod together. Unfortunately like overnight my husband's mood towards myself has changed. He is very angry and aims this at me. He has started to push me away and tell me to go or not to even see him. The nurses say this is normal but this doesn't help me feeling very alone and confused. Did you suffer from this at all? Did your husband become angry? He's on steroids and morphine as well. Thank you Lisa
  • Offline in reply to Lisa_s

    Hi Lisa,

    We had some tough time since his diagnose in 2013, especially the first year after his operation. I found difficult to understand his pain, feeling and situation. I also felt that he didn’t understand my worry and feeling, so we had a lot of big arguments. He told me that he felt it was better to let me go, as he felt very guilty to “tie me up” with him and ruin my life.

    After everything, we feel that we know each other more and the love between us is deeper.

    I find the joint counselling appointment with my husband at Maggie’s is really helpful. 

    Take good care of yourself, I am happy to chat with you when you need :)

     

  • Offline in reply to Whitney

    Hi. I was just wondering how you first got your husband diagnosed? 

    My fiance keeps having awful headaches and now his personality is changing. Little things seem to stress him out and they never did in the past.

    I am wondering if this could be a tumour? Please help.

  • Offline

    Hi, thinking of you I am currently going through a similar situation my partner has glioblastoma multiforme he’s 42 and we have twin boys aged ten months; it is difficult to digest but I find the way to cope is to try and just get through each day st a time, give yourself a small amount of time each day to yourself even five minutes and keep talking to family/friends it helps to have supportxxx

  • Offline

    My husband was told two weeks ago he has ten weeks left to live he has two brain tumours the size of golf balls .

    We found out because my husband had trouble swallowing  .

    We asked about a biopsy to be done but was told it would be to intrusive things have gone down hill very quickly he sleeps most of the time doesn't really eat and takes small amount of fluids of a spoon. My husband recognises me but has trouble recognising our daughter it's a very sad time.

    I just want him to be out of pain 

  • in reply to Mandywall

    Hi Mandywall,

    I just wanted to send a reply to welcome you to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear of the situation with your husband - I can only imagine how difficult this must be.

    The thread you have posted a reply to hasn't been active in around a year and a half and the user you replied to hasn't been active on the forum for a few years. You may well still receive a reply, but if not then do feel free to create your own new discussion on the forum to hopefully receive replies from other users.

    Take care and we're always here for support if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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