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Continuing the journey

jules54
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Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Offline in reply to jules54
    So good to hear you are having shortbread breaks, have 3 packets here if you want them. Mmm including macadamia shortbread. I am so naughty.... Just spoke to son, always lovely, was 37 when I came inside for the night so cooler going for pets. Like you we have open plan house which is a pain for heating and / or cooling. So glad kids are close by, must give you comfort. We are so fortunate in our families, we have a lot to be thankful for. Xx
  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    Its me back again. I hate this dual purpose mouse on my laptop; the curser keeps jumping about this morning and doing things I have not told it to do. For instance my previous post was allmost completely deleted which is why you only have about one line left of what I wrote. So I shut the laptop down and will try again. I cant post what I said when this happened but lets just say it included a lot of asterisks!!!

    Glad you have had help from you nurse and hope this change helps hubby. It must be quite frightening for you both. I know sister in law sufferd when Brother in law kept collapsing. I would just like to say I am in full agreement with the comments others have made regarding you.I dont know how you cope at times. You do so much and yet you still find time to help and support so many on here; you are one remarkable lady Jules. I hope I have not embarssed you but its true.

    It goes without saying that we are here to support you at any time. Take care Jules, sendind best wishes and kind thoughts your way, your vitual buddie, Brian

     

  • Offline in reply to sueanne

    Thanks for info Sueanne. Will speak with nurse next time its necessary though suspect hubby has his own views on this!  He is managing small drinks and taken medication ok (hates me fussing so am letting him be/sleep. Open plan lounge makes it easy for me to notice if he needs something though he talks a lot in his sleep(more than when he is awake which makes it a bit difficult to tell what he actually wants but both coping as best we can).  Take care of yourself. Jules x

  • Offline in reply to KathyS

    Oh Kathy you made my mouth water even more (I am supposed to be careful re cholesterol levels but 'what the heck'.  Been to the local shops and topped up mobile. Also rang round relatives with happy new year messages. A funny kind of normal but hubby happier when routines maintained and its all about keeping him relaxed and comfortable as possible. I shall soon know all about how to catch fish in theory (he has lots of fishing programmes he enjoys though listening rather than watching at present.  When it gets too much for me will use laptop to watch something else (or play games to keep me out of mischief!!). 

    As forecast its pretty mild and drizzly at the moment so heating on low (side effect of hubby's cancer is being very warm most of the time so I adjust by wearing layers!!) - he has a t-shirt, I have long sleeves and cardigan, he has a sheet and I have a duvet - chalk and cheese comes to mind (oh dear mention of cheese reminds me that I have some brie or stilton to finish up when lunch looms.  Take care.  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Thanks for  your kind words Brian but I am just like any other spouse; when it comes down to it we cope because thats what's needed and if circumstances were reversed he would do the same.  No one says life is easy so we take deep breaths and 'manage'.  I am the lucky one being able to offer support both  here in the home (though at times it feels a bit strange) and virtually to the forum which is why the format works.

    Sorry your 'mouse' causes you technical problems but think you say things very well - no embarrassment caused though eyes do suffer with dampness from time to time on reading such kindness.

    Hope you and Mrs B have a peaceful day.  I am off to make a cuppa and plan lunch. Hugs  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to jules54
    Hi Jules, why did you mention cheese....,I haven't had tea yet. ...mmm hot home made chips with grated cheese on top, Nah won't do as cooler on and would need to open kitchen window, false economy. Haha. Hubby loved British comedies, Porridge, Only Fools and Horses, last of the summer Wine, think I can quote them verbatim. But all good. Just rang little sis in Edinburgh for her birthday. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother and luckily we are a close family although many physical miles apart.. When we are together we can almost read each other's mind, and relationship with son is similar, he knows me so well. Daughter in law says we are mirror image..... Bit of a concern as he is more than a foot taller than me and I don't need to shave my face or if I do no one has told me. Kathy xx cheese cheese and more cheese, what have you done to me....
  • Offline in reply to KathyS

    Hi Kathy,

    I am just about to add to your taste buds re cheese. This morning I came back from visiting our elderly neighbour and found Mrs B baking me some cheese straws. They are delicious and I had some straight out from the oven while still warm. Bang goes my diet but what the heck, i did enjoy them and I have enough to last at least two days, not that Im trying to tease you, you understand.

    On a more serious note, My father lives in Canada and we first met about 22 years ago and everyone said how alike we are. I jokingly told him it was good to learn all his bad foults for my are so similar and now I know who to blame for them. We both love teasing and aggravating people as Mrs B knows all too, but its all done in a good natured way I promise.

    Anyway take care Kathy, I will think of you while eating my lovely cheese straws, Hugs and kind wishes, Brian

  • Offline in reply to woodworm
    So Brian the address please is.....??? Now you've done it , have to boil up some pasta, make a cheese sauce up with onion and garlic, and pig out. Bang goes my diet, but considering have only had a few crackers and butter today - yes another of my weaknesses , mother blames the Normans as in William the conquerer and stuff for our love of the naughty stuff, but hey tomorrow is another day. God bless Mrs B for putting up with you.. Would offer a severe spanking with a birch rod but you would probably enjoy it. Best wishes, the cheeseaholic, Kathy xx
  • Offline in reply to KathyS

    Hi Kathy,

    I feel a little guilty about my remarks about Mrs B's cheese straws yesterday, especially as it has made you break your diet. But you have the last laugh for when I told Mrs B what I had done, she told me she is not baking me anymore for at least a month as punishment:

    I saw your new years fireworks on our TV news and what a show it looked. Hope you are well, Take care, best wishes and kind thoughts bieng sent your way, Brian.

  • Offline in reply to woodworm
    Hi Brian, I was a good girl and chose to have steak and salad instead. Am not really dieting as lost a lot of weight while looking after hubby and want to keep it off. One good point is my bp is normal for the fist time in over 5 years, stable at 126 over 82 with no medication required. Docs wanted me to start taking meds but due to possible side effects I declined to do so . I felt it important I could depend on my body during this time without concern of possible dizzy spells are getting up and staggering and possibly falling. I can be a stubborn wee so and so when needed. I have 4 packets of shortbread waiting to be opened but can resist. I know if I open them may polish off the whole packet in one sitting so just say no. It got to 45 tdy, currently 42 at 6.40 pm so trying to work out best time to go and water, will leave it as late as poss. Tell Mrs B she should spoil you, you deserve it mate. Best wishes Kathy x

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