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Continuing the journey

jules54
Offline

Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    I'm back !!

    Thanks to everyone and hope you will excuse a joint reply but you only need to read it once.  Thank you all for being on the forum and offering such wonderful support in times of stress - its a great relief to be able to offload and clear the air so to speak.

    Went with my daughter to the care home this morning and saw Mum's doctor/care supporter.  The upshott of it was she is deficient in folic acid/vitamin D (both very treatable and in hand already) and though she is still able to make decisions for herself she has shown signs of worrying about dealing with things which is why they are suggesting now is as good as time as any to obtain Power of Attorney especially for her health issues.  Had a couple of forms to sign (Mum had given full permission for us to talk with her GP both today and onwards so this makes life a little easier for everyone and they now have my signature on file and will contact me direct should the  need arise).  Will soon get legal forms filled out and send for registration.  Was also able to explain my own personal position a little which I think has also been on Mum's mind so her doc is now fully aware of the situation the  next time she is asked to 'assess' Mum with regards to possible re-housing (she did say she thought it would not be the best thing for Mum to have to leave the safety of where she is now and 'living alone' even in sheltered housing with care would, in her opinion, be completely wrong.  That certainly made me feel better and my daughter is supporting me so well too.  I am so lucky.

    On top of that I got home to find the plumber well into fixing and servicing the boiler and am now luxuriating (is that even a word) in hot water (though the cost of it all would be enough to take me on a week's holiday).  Hubby coped with it quite well even showing an ex-engineering interest in the broken valve and was quite chatty with the plumber and very happy with the work ethic.  Maybe a did him a favour in pushing him to make the arrangements - even though it did not go down well at the time

    We picked Zac up from our daughter's friend on the way back from the care home and he had lunch here before they set off for home so that he could have the comfort of his own cot for afternoon nap before doing the school run.  Will see my daughter on Friday as she is coming to bingo with me (my friend is on holiday).

    So another 'hiccup' in  my life is overcome with the help of others which has certainly taught me not to feel I need, or have to, cope alone.  Told my Mum I am a born worrier and apparently I get it from her - what a surprise .

    Enough of my ramblings and hope you are all having a very  good day. Gill - enjoy your rest day and take it easy tomorrow. Hope- thanks for your continued support and hope the decorating has helped get you through an emotional week. Lisa-  have replied on Brancial Cyst thread but thanks for your continued support. Jo - you are an inspiration with your 'bouncebackability' when I am sure life is pretty hard at present - sense of humour never far away. Good luck with your next consultancy chat.  Brian - hope your wife let you have a treat for all your running around. Managed to stay away from our biscuit barrel last night though did have a digestive with my coffee today.  Susananne - hope you are ok and enjoying time with family and friends.  If I have missed anyone I a truly sorry and will take a virtual slap on the wrist.  Best wishes to you all and loads of hugs.  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules

    Pleased to hear that the meeting with doctor/supporter went well.  It is good to hear that the doctor does not think your mother can ever live alone (even in a retriement complex) and also that it would not be good for her to be moved from where she is.  All you have to do now is convince the social workers of this.  Sounds so easy but I know will be so difficult.  In some ways I am sure it will be best for all concerned that they are now dealing with you although it is possible that your Mum might not agree at times.

    Nice to hear that hubby was conversing with the plumber and that you are now luxuriating (yes I believe it is a word) in hot water.  As you say whilst initially not being happy about it it may well have done hubby some good by having to deal with this.  It shows him that he can do things when he needs to.

    Hope you have a relatively peaceful afternoon.

    Best wishes.

    Gill

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Jules,

    Well that was a good result and it's grand that you have had such good support all round.

    It sounds like todays meeting with your Mums GP was key and hopefully her reaction will go down in your Mums notes for now and the future.

    Daugthters can be wonderfully supportive at times like this.

    I am glad you have some of the stresss off loaded and you have enjoyed a nice hot bath. You deserve it.

    Hope you have a relaxing evening as well.

    Sleep well Jules.

    Hugs

    Annabel. xx

  • Offline in reply to SleepyCat

    Morning Gill

    Just to say hope today at work goes well (sure it will be fine).  Am at work today myself and feeling slightly more at ease after yesterday.  Am trying not to think to far ahead and I know I cannot control the future (any more than I can today) but 'habits' of a 'controlling childhood' are not so easy to sweep under the carpet. Am going shopping after work for some household bits and pieces (to make the supermarket shop at the weekend a less less heavy to pull home) as not quite ready to take the 'home delivery internet shopping' route - like to see what  Iam buying  whilst I can.  Take it easy.  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to Annabel

    Hi Annabel

    Do feel a bit more at ease following yesterday and spent the evening listening to music via the laptop (hubby watching sci fi movie which we must have seen 5 times before!!).  Have actually just begun to take a herbal sleeping tablet at night to see if I can get an uninterrupted sleep as am sure that would help but the hot flushes and cramp currently a bit of an issue.  I know it can take a few weeks to take affect so will see how it goes.  Have a week's holiday at beginning of next month (probably spent in the back garden if weather good) and if still having sleep issues will make an appointment to see my own GP as am sure tiredness does not help the coping mechanism when something goes wrong.  Other than that feel I have now done the best I can for Mum (hope to get the forms filled when my daughter pops round one evening (no way can we concentrate with the grandchildren in the background ha ha) and have a few months respite before approaching the next phase of contacting social services (would be good to have power of attorney in place before going back to them too).

    How is your  back now,much  better I hope?  Take it gently when you can and thanks for your continued support.  Hugs Jules x

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    So glad it all went well yesterday and they are on the way to sorting out your Mum's vitamin deficiency.  Also good that hubby sorted out the plumber and the boiler is now fixed - things have a habit of all going wrong at the same time, but then getting sorted at the same time too.  I'm sure life feels a little calmer now.  I am off to work soon so will catch up with a PM soon.  Hope xx

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hello Jules I notice you are still having trouble sleeping ,you have so many things on your mind whirling around hard to switch off I know. I hardly slept at all when Tony was ill ,for the last few months and couldnt get down the stairs anymore I shouted at him saying do you know how many times I have been up and down these stairs this morning 18 times he said im so sorry and I felt so bad and guilty but said im so tired I know its wrong ,and I still feel so bad for shouting bless him .So Jules I do know how you feel Well the weather is sunny and dry at the moment but we have had some heavy rain ,Rusty and I had a lovely walk early this morning ,and little James is thriving and smiling now so sweet .I have to take my car for its service and first M O T later my son is coming with me then we are going to Truro for fish and chips so must get on .Thought I must answer this thread and im sure you arnt alone not sleeping worry keeps us awake .Take care Jules and hope hubby is going on ok  ...Big hugs sent ...Susananne

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules

    Work was fine again.

    I cannot say I blame you in getting a few bits and pieces of shopping today.  It is surprising how heavy a week's shopping can be and it gets heavier the longer your walk home.  I haven't tried internet shopping as yet because I know that with fresh stuff they take off the shelf anything that has a best before date of that day or the next as it is less waste for them but does not help you as the consumer.

    Do hope the herbal tablet help with the sleeping.  It is not surprising that you have problems in getting a good nights sleep as there has been so much going on for you recently.  As you say if it has not improved by the time you have a week off go and see the GP.  If you have a lot on your mind it can sometimes help just writing things down.  Have tried this myself and even though things are written down it does not stop me thinking about them!

    Very best wishes and virtual hugs.

    Gill

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Afternoon Hope

    Yes I can say I felt a lot calmer in myself today and have coped okay at work. Feels now like I was making molehills out of mountains but have to accept that there will be emotional ups and downs and that I need to 'ride the waves' when they happen otherwise my head might just explode.  So appreciative of all the support I have around me too.  Chat soon.  Sending hugs Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to SUSANANNE

    Hi Susananne

    Thanks so much for your kind words and understanding.  Sometimes you just have to have a good yell, get it out of your system and move forwards  - but you know how hard this journey can be and because hubby spends most of his day in silence its not always easy to read just how he is doing (I even told  him that its the not knowing which makes it harder for me to help/cope in the right way). I do appreciate how lucky I am that he is still managing on a personal level so far but its quite difficult juggling everything else that is going on.  Thank goodness too for grandchildren - not questions asked and they really help make me smile.

    Been like April showers here today so got soaked to and from work and now beautiful sunshine and I am typing whilst listening to the French Open tennis waiting for hubby to ask for dinner as this seems to be the best way for us to plan his eating (as and when he feels like it).    Glad Rusty still giving you good company on your walks.  .  Look after yourself and returning hugs. Jules x

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