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Continuing the journey

jules54
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Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi again Brian

    Well  Iam now getting dry (walk to Mums was in teeming rain but walk back was in lovely sunshine) .  She was much the same but did manage to get some answers out of her for the crossword session and she is having her hair done tomorrow.I did my usual chat about what the family has been up to in the last week (must have been boring as she dropped off). Stayed just over an hour and went through her mail with her too.  Back home and hubby is also sleeping (I will soon begin to think its my company affecting everyone) but am sure with him its the medication/cancer and at least if he is sleeping he is peaceful I suppose.

    Good news for Mrs B and the warfarin and well done on the 99p fix for the dented car.  You must be really happy with that result and now you have a bit of spare cash to feed that Brianitus - let see - peanuts may be top of the list.  Cashews are my favourite (though very naughty to do not have them very often). I have just treated myself to a 'warm' wholemeal cottage loaf and doubt it will be long before I cut into it!!  Have a good day.  Hugs returned to your and MrsB.Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    Thank you for your replies, it is just so good to know people understand.  I think you are so right about being an only child and wanting to sometimes be alone.  I have always had lots of friends and generally enjoy company, but sometimes if you are hurting so much you just prefer your own company. I think you're also right about my hubby, he is good but I think just struggles to understand the depth of my feelings.  Your walking is very good, getting out in the fresh air is a great health pick-up as well as exercise.  How was your Mum today? I hope she was a little more upbeat.  Now tell me Jules what did you spend your lottery winnings on?? Did you opt for a couple of free games or were you tempted by chocolate bars?  I know I would have chosen the latter, can't resist a bit of chocolate!  It must be very difficult for your hubby to accept his forced retirement and even harder for you to see him suffer and feel that you can't get through.  Perhaps he will find a way to adapt eventually, we all adjust to changes differently don't we, and as you say perhaps that's just the way we are as individuals.  I hope your grandchildren continue to help you both lift your spirits, they really must be the best medicine.  Take care and thanks again.  Hope x

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Morning Hope

    Well, what can I say I cashed in my winning ticket and swapped my profit (ha ha) for two free games. The 40p over went towards a warm wholemeal cottage loaf (worse than a chocolate bar as there is not much left now!!).Hopefully the rushing around at work today will compensate.

    Mum was much the same though looks well enough and I must be happy that she is in no physical pain and cause the staff no problems bless her.  What with her dropping off to sleep and hubby's regular dozing perhaps I am more boring that I thought.  Having said that she did show a little interest in her surroundings and even answered a couple of the 'Garden Lounge' crossword clues (I seem to be a regular participant with the residents now!! and we do get a few laughs along the way).  A bit of amusement when I chose to 'help' make way for a wheelchair user and carer by moving one of the residents' walking frame - I got shouted at for trying to 'steal her legs' (she could not see what was coming through because of an apty placed pillar!!) but had to laugh when she realised what I was trying to do - a lighter moment we all enjoyed!!

    Glad to read on other thread that your eldest is really enjoying med school and have no doubts he will make a good doctor when the time comes.  It makes you proud to be a parent when you see how well they turn out.What does your younger son hope to do in the future, does he know?

    Well had better go an have a quick coffee before I leave for work (need an extra shot of caffeine as last couple of nights have, for some reason, been disturbed and I could do with some matchsticks for my eyes!! Hot flushes having a lot to answer for just now grrrr.

    Take care Hope and sending peaceful thoughts and hugs for the coming days.  Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Good morning Jules,

    I so relate to what you said about being an only child and spending time alone. We lived out in the country and the few friends I had lived at least half a mile away. My step father wouldn't let me go out at all which caused many an argument between him and my mother. I think this is mainly why I grew up being a quiet and shy person. So like you I spent a lot of my childhood on my own. It has taken having cancer to change that part of me. Don't get me wrong I am not the sort who likes parties much but I am no longer shy like I used to be. For I would never have joined this site or the other charities I belong to, pre-cancer.

    Mrs B was also not allowed out much as one of her brothers was killed in a road accident and her parents became over-protective. This is one of the reasons we get on so well together.

    Hope you enjoyed your treat. You guessed right, it was peanuts I indulged in but only because I didn't have any cashew's. Hope work is not too busy for you today. At least you shouldn't get wet today. I will be seeing my three grandchildren today and looking forward to it.

    Take care Jules, best wishes and hugs, Brian.

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Woody I am thick at times like this but i will try now [[ ]]and if it works it is for all you young ladies from me

  • Offline in reply to urostar

    Welldone George - you are a star pupil and this not so young lady appreciates your efforts and the lovely flower.Thank you.Hope you doing okay and still walking the dog.Weather here today was mostly sunny but I was working so missed most of it.  Still good to walk back from the station without getting soaked.  Take care.  Jules x

  • Offline in reply to urostar

    Nice photo of a beautiful rose, suitable for framing!

  • Offline in reply to LuckyGuy

    Like most of you I have problems with cancer but I also have crohns and that is nasty I have had it since 1962  had a large lump of bowel taken out ,but is still with me and today I am a mess 4 or 5 times a day on the loo .

    but I have a review on 11/4/2014 plus a uro /b on the 18th of march so they still look after me ,my best pal RIA takes me out for walks 3 times a day she is fantaqstic .good night and god bless to you all .[[ ]]

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Evening Jules,

    Glad to read you are spending your winnings wisely LOL!  I hope your loved ones are staying awake a little more - your comment about everybody dozing off around you did make me smile, but I'm sure you are not boring them.  It must be comforting to know that your Mum is well looked after and that you can leave her without worrying too much.  I also smiled about the walking frame saga!  Actually I'm feeling a little better today so have smiled quite a bit - strange how one day you can be in immense grief and the next feel different again.  Eldest just did really well in latest exams, so that helps.  My youngest is not too sure of future career but is thinking of structural engineering.  Understand about the disturbed sleep patterns, my sleep hasn't been right for a while - again I blame this grief journey for that one.  Anyway wishing you a peaceful night's sleep tonight.  Take care.  Hope x  PS Love the flower photos everybody is posting you.

  • Offline in reply to urostar

    Morning George

    Glad you have Ria to keep you company.  I have a relative who has Crohns so am aware of how problematic that can be. She has just had another op to remove a problem area and has regular checks and bless her now has a bacterial virus in her stomach to contend with. Its a rotten illness(She has been coping with it since the age of 18 along with her sister and nephew).   Like you she also has a four legged companion  and I think they keep an eye of each other . Hope your forthcoming appointments give you the best outcome possible. Take care and once again thank you for the lovely photos.  Jules x 

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