Hi Jules,

I came across this photo by accident yesterday and thought of you.

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Hope you like it, take care, Brian

Hi Jules,

How are you?  I was reading on another post that things have been difficult with your Mum lately and that she prefers to shut herself away.  It must be so difficult for you to cope knowing that whatever you do doesn't really have a big impact.  Also read that hubby's attitude is unchanged and that he has been sleeping a lot.  Jules you have such a lot on your plate unyet you still offer everybody support.  Thanks for your recent kind words to me, I have found that people on this site are the only ones who truly understand the many feelings this terrible disease brings to all involved.  I have been so low and grumpy of late and I think even my hubby is losing patience with me; I just want to curl up in my own little world at the moment and try to heal.  I'm sure you must feel like that sometimes too.  Anyway onwards and upwards, work was OK and I'm on a mission to get the house sold now so hopefully things will improve.  Thinking of you as always.  Take care.  Hope x

Hi Brian,  Love the owl photos, they brought a smile to my face.  Hope x

Hi Woody I am into pictures in a big way how did you post those owls they are great  i have just tried with out sucess sorry jules but I wanted to post a picture for you good news take care

Hi George,

If you click on the camera icon in the bar above, then go to the folder where your picture is. Click on the picture you want to post and then click on open followed by Insert Picture  and it should appear where the curser is. You may need to make the picture smaller size. Hope this helps.

Best wishes, Brian

Morning Hope

You know you hit the nail on the head when you say you want to be alone and heal.  You absolutely know that your husband will be there for you (I very much doubt he has lost patience, its just that he probably feels helpless in knowing how to  react without saying the wrong thing and is just wanting to protect you from hurting).  I recognise the need for 'alone time'and think a lot of that feeling stems from being an only child when I used to spend may hours by myself (from choice I might add).  I have always enjoyed time alone (but also love being with family and friends) and its trying to get that now without feeling I am being selfish that sometimes makes things strained(think thats only my way of thinking!!).  Hubby is quite used to me going off for walks (this has nothing to do with his illness as I have always walked for pleasure (perhaps because I have never driven) and it was very much a pattern of my childhood which I continued and also spent many hours taking our children for walks (its free, relaxing and pleasurable). Life takes many turns and I am learning all the time how to try and adjust to what is happening.

As to being part of this forum, personally I am so pleased I found somewhere to 'run and hide' but ultimately have learnt a great deal about myself and by being able to share with 'strangers', who have (somewhat sadly) understanding, in return gives me hope that I will make it through our journey.  I just wish hubby could find a way of sharing as its the hardest part of my life watching him look so 'lost'.

Please Hope do not think of  yourself as 'grumpy'.  The emotional strain of what you have been, and are still going through, is one of the hardest things we face and despite it all you are here chatting and offering support.  I for one am more than pleased to have you around.  Take care and  be kind to yourself - small steps as Beryl would rightly say.  Big hugs  Jules xx

Hi Hope

Well just spent some time replying to your post only to have the computer freeze and so will now try again and hope to get to the end!!

You are not being grumpy, you are grieving so please do not be hard on yourself.  I am absolutely sure that you realise that your hubby is not really losing patience with you but think maybe he is trying to protect you from hurting but like most people does not have the right words at the right time to make it better. Time does heal but the length of time differs with everyone and so be kind to yourself.  I really related to your comment about needing time alone to heal.  We all need downtime to process our own thoughts and feelings away from other emotional imput.  I have always used walking (by myself when possible) to think things through and actually enjoy these times and would miss them.  I grew up spending much of my time alone (by choice) and love peace and quiet on the one hand or sometimes loud music depending on my mood.  Walking gives me the opportunity to make the most of my surroundings and used this to de-stress even before it became part of our cancer journey.  Because I dont drive and my hubby worked away from home, sometimes many weeks at a time when the children were growing up, I have always walked for pleasure and used to go on long walks with the children and they continue to enjoy walking (either with their children or the dog!!).

There is nothing wrong for wanting 'alone' time but sometimes others do not understand that.  I am verylucky that hubby sees it as 'normal' for me  and though I always ask if he wants to join me he really only used to walk for pleasure when we were on holiday!!

Well, this morning I am off to visit Mum (how soon the week comes round) and once again its damp and dismal outside (no wonder its hard to lift her mood!!).  It takes me around 30mins walk each way and in  my head I can put the world to rights as well as get much  needed exercise.  On the way back I will pick up milk and my Euromillions win ------- £4.40 - not exactly life changing but will give me a free game or two!!

Take care of yourself and as you know your forum buddies understand and respect your emotions so share whenever you want to (this has proved to be an amazing outlet for my journey but I just wish my hubby had found an outlet as the hardest part for me is being unable to help him adapt to his 'retirement' -he just looks so miserable and lost but we do not seem to be able to find a way through and he reminds me so much of how his own Father was when he retired so perhaps its in the genes!!

Big hugs and sending peaceful thoughts.  Jules xx

P.S  Whoops - looks as though computer saved previous message so now you have 'double dose'of Jules - apologies xx

Morning George

It means a lot that you were trying to send me a 'picture post' and hope that 'Woody's' guide helps.  Take care of yourself.  Damp and dismal in my neck of the woods today but off to visit Mum soon so will see if I can lift her spirits.  Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

I have just had some luck this morning re my dented rear. Yesterday I visited a 99p shop and found they had some sink plungers which were very flexible. So I bought one and this morning I tried it on my car and lo and behold, it worked and has pulled 95% of the dent out. It only just left a small mark which when I have more time will try and get that one out too. So well worth the 99 pence. I took Mrs B to see the warfarin nurse this morning and its good news there too as she doesn't have to back for six weeks so feel a big bout of Brianitus could well take place later this morning.

I hope you haven't got too wet going to see your mother this morning and hope she is in talkative mode today. Glad you liked the owl picture. The barn owl Is my wife's favourite owl. Years ago, when I worked at Jewsons (at least I tell people I worked) there was a barn owl who nested right at the top on one of the large timber sheds. Several times of an evening when I was working late, I used to see it flying about in the eight sheds we had. It was flying so silently, almost like watching a ghost.

Hope your husband enjoys his trip into work at the end of the week and hope it lifts his spirits. I notice in your reply to hope you say you love walking. I do too but Mrs B cant go far these days unfortunately.

Take care sending best wishes to you and you husband, hugs from Brian