Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi againBrian

Beautiful photo and both your wife and your elderly neighbour must be thrilled with all the trouble you take putting together the picture shows.  Its lovely to bring such pleasure to people and in the comfort of their own homes too.  My Dad used to love photography and belonged to a camera club for many years so many a childhood night was sat in front of a huge white screen as he gave a 'slide show'. Of course digital age has made it so much easier to get rid of the 'duds' before anyone sees them (thank goodness in my case).

Yes, that's our adopted owl. We have a 10x 8 print in a frame on our shelf (it came with the adoption pack last year).It was my Mum who was on the mailing list for the Owl Barn and thus when we had her mail re-directed when she first moved into care, I saw the catalogue and now they come to me which is where I got the idea from to adopt for 'hubby's birthday' last year. We have just re-adopted (but in both our names - cheeky of me I know) and maybe we will get to see him for real when the weather improves - it would be a good reason for another long weekend away.  Thanks again.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I came across this photo by accident yesterday and thought of you.

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Hope you like it, take care, Brian

Its beautiful Brian, thank you for thinking of me. Jules x

Hi Jules,

How are you?  I was reading on another post that things have been difficult with your Mum lately and that she prefers to shut herself away.  It must be so difficult for you to cope knowing that whatever you do doesn't really have a big impact.  Also read that hubby's attitude is unchanged and that he has been sleeping a lot.  Jules you have such a lot on your plate unyet you still offer everybody support.  Thanks for your recent kind words to me, I have found that people on this site are the only ones who truly understand the many feelings this terrible disease brings to all involved.  I have been so low and grumpy of late and I think even my hubby is losing patience with me; I just want to curl up in my own little world at the moment and try to heal.  I'm sure you must feel like that sometimes too.  Anyway onwards and upwards, work was OK and I'm on a mission to get the house sold now so hopefully things will improve.  Thinking of you as always.  Take care.  Hope x

Hi Brian,  Love the owl photos, they brought a smile to my face.  Hope x

Hi Woody I am into pictures in a big way how did you post those owls they are great  i have just tried with out sucess sorry jules but I wanted to post a picture for you good news take care

Hi George,

If you click on the camera icon in the bar above, then go to the folder where your picture is. Click on the picture you want to post and then click on open followed by Insert Picture  and it should appear where the curser is. You may need to make the picture smaller size. Hope this helps.

Best wishes, Brian

Morning Hope

You know you hit the nail on the head when you say you want to be alone and heal.  You absolutely know that your husband will be there for you (I very much doubt he has lost patience, its just that he probably feels helpless in knowing how to  react without saying the wrong thing and is just wanting to protect you from hurting).  I recognise the need for 'alone time'and think a lot of that feeling stems from being an only child when I used to spend may hours by myself (from choice I might add).  I have always enjoyed time alone (but also love being with family and friends) and its trying to get that now without feeling I am being selfish that sometimes makes things strained(think thats only my way of thinking!!).  Hubby is quite used to me going off for walks (this has nothing to do with his illness as I have always walked for pleasure (perhaps because I have never driven) and it was very much a pattern of my childhood which I continued and also spent many hours taking our children for walks (its free, relaxing and pleasurable). Life takes many turns and I am learning all the time how to try and adjust to what is happening.

As to being part of this forum, personally I am so pleased I found somewhere to 'run and hide' but ultimately have learnt a great deal about myself and by being able to share with 'strangers', who have (somewhat sadly) understanding, in return gives me hope that I will make it through our journey.  I just wish hubby could find a way of sharing as its the hardest part of my life watching him look so 'lost'.

Please Hope do not think of  yourself as 'grumpy'.  The emotional strain of what you have been, and are still going through, is one of the hardest things we face and despite it all you are here chatting and offering support.  I for one am more than pleased to have you around.  Take care and  be kind to yourself - small steps as Beryl would rightly say.  Big hugs  Jules xx

Hi Hope

Well just spent some time replying to your post only to have the computer freeze and so will now try again and hope to get to the end!!

You are not being grumpy, you are grieving so please do not be hard on yourself.  I am absolutely sure that you realise that your hubby is not really losing patience with you but think maybe he is trying to protect you from hurting but like most people does not have the right words at the right time to make it better. Time does heal but the length of time differs with everyone and so be kind to yourself.  I really related to your comment about needing time alone to heal.  We all need downtime to process our own thoughts and feelings away from other emotional imput.  I have always used walking (by myself when possible) to think things through and actually enjoy these times and would miss them.  I grew up spending much of my time alone (by choice) and love peace and quiet on the one hand or sometimes loud music depending on my mood.  Walking gives me the opportunity to make the most of my surroundings and used this to de-stress even before it became part of our cancer journey.  Because I dont drive and my hubby worked away from home, sometimes many weeks at a time when the children were growing up, I have always walked for pleasure and used to go on long walks with the children and they continue to enjoy walking (either with their children or the dog!!).

There is nothing wrong for wanting 'alone' time but sometimes others do not understand that.  I am verylucky that hubby sees it as 'normal' for me  and though I always ask if he wants to join me he really only used to walk for pleasure when we were on holiday!!

Well, this morning I am off to visit Mum (how soon the week comes round) and once again its damp and dismal outside (no wonder its hard to lift her mood!!).  It takes me around 30mins walk each way and in  my head I can put the world to rights as well as get much  needed exercise.  On the way back I will pick up milk and my Euromillions win ------- £4.40 - not exactly life changing but will give me a free game or two!!

Take care of yourself and as you know your forum buddies understand and respect your emotions so share whenever you want to (this has proved to be an amazing outlet for my journey but I just wish my hubby had found an outlet as the hardest part for me is being unable to help him adapt to his 'retirement' -he just looks so miserable and lost but we do not seem to be able to find a way through and he reminds me so much of how his own Father was when he retired so perhaps its in the genes!!

Big hugs and sending peaceful thoughts.  Jules xx

P.S  Whoops - looks as though computer saved previous message so now you have 'double dose'of Jules - apologies xx

Morning George

It means a lot that you were trying to send me a 'picture post' and hope that 'Woody's' guide helps.  Take care of yourself.  Damp and dismal in my neck of the woods today but off to visit Mum soon so will see if I can lift her spirits.  Jules xx

Morning George

It means a lot that you were trying to send me a 'picture post' and hope that 'Woody's' guide helps.  Take care of yourself.  Damp and dismal in my neck of the woods today but off to visit Mum soon so will see if I can lift her spirits.  Jules xx