Hi Jules

I am so sorry to read what you are going through where has the humanity gone within our country, you only have one mother and in our life time we try to do the very best for our parents only to come up against social service panels who make these decisions have they not got parents themselves I am absolutlry horrified at the way the are treating you and your mum do they also not know about the turmoil you are having, ie hubby's illness can you not talk to you local MP.  The way you have been treated is absolutely horrendous, is this the future for many elderly people who cannot defend themselves.

What can I say my love only take it one step at a time.

I am thinking of you lovely Jules

Take cafe darling

Beryl xxxxx

Thanks for  your very kind words Beryl.  Life is certainly not meant to be straightforward these days!!  Having said that the positiveness of my Mum took us all by surprise given her recent moods so as they say there is life in the old dog yet. Not certain what the future holds regarding her Care so one day at a time is the only way to go for now.  The government view is that everyone should be looked after in 'own home' environment' with full residential care being a last resort and they do not feel Mum's needs require the current level of 'residency' at such a high cost. In the next breath they say its now about the money.  Hey ho.  By the way they are fully aware of our home situation and even offered us extra help (not required at present) - hard to understand their way of thinking but it does all come down to rules, regulations, guidelines, tick boxes etc etc.  Will visit Mum probably tomorrow now as thats my next day off and am sure it will be an interesting conversation if she is in the right mood.  Having spoken to her care team she is doing okay - stronger in  mind than in body perhaps!!

Hope you are managing the  day to day mantra we are all trying to cope by. Sending virtual hugs. Jules xx

Hi Catherine

Never need to apologise for rambling on here and much better out than storing it inside.  Your husband is so right that you cannot rush how you would want to feel.  You are perfectly normal daughter who is missing her Mum (both her presence and probably supportive words too).  When I lost my Dad I worried more about  my Mum than my loss, as my Dad was 'ready to let go of life' if that makes sense and I suppose I expected that after nearly 60 years of marriage my Mum would not be able to cope.  Well she has proved me wrong somewhat in that the only reason she is not coping now is  because of the fall that started it all about 18 months ago.  My Dad would have been very proud of her and I am too though we have never enjoyed a close bond (probably due to her long history of mental bi-polar illness but have no intention of bothering with past history as you cannot change what has been).

It is lovely that you managed to see Dad and family and please do not beat yourself up about feeling down because all your memories of your paprents will be as a 'twosome' and its hard to see the survivor alone and wishing things could be different.  Have you told your Dad how you feel?  Has he admitted he feels lonely or do you feel his is hiding his real feelings (no doubt you are both busy protecting each other).  Such a shame about the cat and maybe in time, if the puss does not return, he may want another but sometimes they need time to accept the life now.  My Mum bought a budgie but decided it was too much bother and found it another good home.  So much depends on personal feelings and what is right for one is not necessarily right for all.

Most of all, Elizabeth will love Mummy come what may - children are very reslilient when so young. My hubby's Dad never saw our children but we still used to visit the memory rose bush and explained thats where their other grandad lived and my daughter has passed this on to our grandson who talks very matter of factly about the relatives who are no longer with us and he is not 5  till November.  Just remember, memories cannot ever be taken away from you and emotional fallout (especially crying) is very natural.  Now you can accuse me of having a ramble in return.

I am so grateful we have this forum to share our thoughts whether they  be good or bad because there is always someone like you and many others who really understand.

Well my hubby is dozing on and off and is planning to go to work tomorrow and the time has come for me to stop nattering and start preparing dinner so for now just keep chatting when you feel its needed and take care of you!!  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

My computer came home last night but husband kept me busy. have been working today and haven't had much time to catch up. So will be back tomoroow afternoon to catch up with everybody's posts and have a chat. 2 unusual( I thought) names of my grandaughter. Ava Isabel.  Evidently Ava is 9th most popular this year!!!!!! I am not up with these things. Definately grandmotherly!!!!

Hope you and all your family are good right now and chat tomorrow.

best

Annabel. xx

Morning Annabel

Pretty names for your new grandaughter and hope Mum and baby are continuing to do well.  Have come across a few new'Isabel's' this year but only one Ava (nice and easy for the little one to write in years to come.

Mum has another meeting with the social services later today so watch this space to see whether I am  , or.or just still in limbo!!

Hubby a bit sniffly but is off to work today having had a four day break.

Nice to see  you back and chat again later.   Jules xx

Sorry Jules,

With 7 male guests/friends arriving today didn't get a chance to come on line and chat. Tomorrow I am out all day and out for dinner in the evening. Thursday will probably be my best time to really catch up with you. I am glad to see your daughters last bloods were okay. I have been summoned to meet my grandaughter next Monday. I will be coming back on the Thursday as I have an appointment with my GP on the Friday, but a few days away will be like a little holiday.

Speak soon, on Thursday Annabel. xx

Hi Annabel

No apologies needed.  Keeping busy helps the time pass so it wont be long before you see your new granddaughter, Ava. Bet you cant wait for that first cuddle. Chat again soon. Jules x

Hi Jules,

Can't bellieve how much time has passed again since I last wrote.  I will write a longer reply soon, but just wanted to say thank you as always for your kind words, they really do always make me feel better and help me think about things differently.

Dad and I have said we will bth need to be more open with each other about how we are feeling, and not hold back because we are worried about upsetting the other one.  My brother is not such a 'talker' but I know he would happily listen to both of us if we needed it.

I've been thinking about your daughter as well, and the imminent birth of her new child, and your new grandchild, and hoping all goes well there.  Do let us know the news!

LIke I say, just a short message for now as work is calling, but I just wanted to get in touch,

Wishing you all the best,

Catherine x

Hi Catherine

Thanks for your kind words. As always support works both ways which is why you, like so many others on the forum, both give and receive comfort from the words that flow.  I am pleased that you and your Dad can now begin the journey of 'talking openly'.  In  both your heads you really know that you are there for each other and whether its spoken out loud or not love has a way of getting through. Worrying about a lone parent is something I have been doing for over 5 years which now that Mum is in care, seems to give me some respite from the 'worrying' side because  know she is not alone (even though her mental illness throws us some rocky moments as she still wishes she could join Dad).  I went to visit her yesterday and filled her in with the family news for the last week and had to deal with the comment ' dont you wish you were dead so you did not have to face what you have at home' - referring to my hubby of course!!!  Think the shock must have shown on my face but  I took time to reply and then calmly said (inner turmoil was something else), to me life is precious and I do not wish to have it taken away just yet!!!  Its so sad that her mind thinks this way as though she is lacking mobility her physical health is not too bad at present.  Hey ho, something I have little control over (seems a recurrent phrase in my head recently).

Strange its very quiet here at the moment (hubby still asleep) and I am sitting with the laptop listening to the birds in the garden and have scented candles calming my mood.  Reality will no doubt when I get on with the housework though have already done the ironing (getting up early has its bonuses).

Have a peaceful weekend. virtual hugs to  you and the family.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Well another week is almost over. I still haven't done the porch floor mainly due to the fact we have had rain here for the past few days and I need a dry day (at least that's my excuse )  When we went shopping on Tuesday my wife bought three comics for our grandchildren. Not something we do very often as they are so expensive with all the so called free toys. She gave two of them to the oldest two when they came to tea with us on Wednesday. The other one I hid inside my jacket when I took them home. The youngest one on seeing the older ones had got comics, came up to me to see where his was. He saw the corner of his one as I opened my jacket and when he found it was the Marvel comic with Iron Man in it, he went mad. He started shaking my hand until I thought it was going to fall off. Where upon I told him it was nanny who bought it for him, I just had to pay for it. He then proceeded to tell me when I got home I was to thank nanny very much and that I had to give her a great big kiss and a hug from him. But I told her he had told me to give her three hugs and kisses when I got home. It's no good getting older if you don't get craftier is it??????????  He also severely told me off when he found out she pushes the trolley round the store. He told me I was very lazy and I should help nanny more. We also went In to W H Smiths on Thursday and have bought all three children some Christmas annuals but there was one we couldn't find for our granddaughter so will have to try next week.

It is surprising how heavy these annuals are so if you have been lifting these all week, I hope you try to have a good rest during the weekend. But knowing you, that wont happen as you always seem to keep so busy with so many things to do. Having had to do the ironing when my wife was laid up the other week, I have more appreciation of what is involved. When it came to folding the sheets I got into a real tangle. I don't know how you ladies manage to do it, I really don't.

Anyway I have rambled on for long enough Jules, Hope you get at lest some quiet moments to recharge batteries ready for next week.

Talk again soon, Brian.

Hi Brian

IT is truly lovely to bring smiles to the faces of the young! It gives me so much pleasure to see the delight even the smallest gift can bring.  At the moment we are getting 'planes' stickers for our grandson. I have many packs at readiness but he does not get one every time we see him, just did not want them to run out before he had filled the book.  So far he is doing quite well and also 'swaps' his doubles with a friend at school (brings back memories).  Magazines are expensive (for children and adults alike) and we rarely buy them now but as you say an occasional treat never does any harm and they are better than sweets.

Don't envy you the forthcoming task re the porch and can see the need for a 'very dry day' before being able to get the job done. Maybe a few more bags of chestnuts will work their magic!!

Not sure I enjoy being busybut the doc did say I needed to do more exercise (don't do gyms!! or exercise routines) so extra housework/walking helps!!!  Trouble with more exercise it makes you  more hungary and its difficult avoiding hubby's chocolate box as I am en route to the fruit bowl .

No real plans for the weekend so having returned from the local shops (carrying a new dustbin along with some cyclamen for my 'ironwork tricycle' in the garden), I am soon off outside to re-fill bird feeding station ready for the autumn and then will join hubby to watch F1 qualifying highlights (not having Sky).  Of course, if my daughter goes into labour we will be otherwise engaged!!

Keep meaning to ask how your Dad is doing, okay I hope?

Hope you and your wife have a peaceful weekend - its very dry and humid here and can't believe I am still in summer clothes - must make the most of it.  chat again soon.  Jules x

Annabel

Just wondering how your visit to see Ava and of course your daughter and son in law went.  Trust you found them all well (and you probably did not want to return!!).  Think you mentioned you were coming back for an appointment on Friday so do hope all is well.  best wishes Jules x

Annabel

Just wondering how your visit to see Ava and of course your daughter and son in law went.  Trust you found them all well (and you probably did not want to return!!).  Think you mentioned you were coming back for an appointment on Friday so do hope all is well.  best wishes Jules x

Hi Jules,

Thanx for asking love, yes I have been back since Thursday evening. it always goes so fast, whether we visit them or they visit us. It was lovely to see my daughter Charlotte, reassuring that she was okay. The little one is gorgeous and tiny and perfect etc etc etc. Well this lovely little girl has 2 besotted parents who are coping well. It was lovely to have some long chats and to look after Charlotte in the running round cooking for her. We went for a shopping trip up to Westfield shopping centre at Strattford. The idea being to give her confidence to do it on her own another time. So into the car with all equipment and baby, driving there, parking, shopping, having lunch in a restaurant and feeding baby. She had to give up when we were food shopping, go back to the car and feed baby again, leaving Mum to finish the shopping and find the car. All done so feels she could do it on her own now. Next day I spent cooking lasagnes, casseroles, goulash and crumbles , all now packed in freezer. So she's set up for a little while.

I come home to slight crisis of one of the girls who works with me in the cottages. So although we were both supposed to be here working we were both down at the surgery chatting. She with her mother who had had a fall recently.He ho. we got the work done eventually. So back down to earth today, with the normal food shop and now washing /ironing.

It's an interesting moment when you see your little baby has turned into a mum as well.

I look forward to any visits with this grandchild, it's going to be interesting and fun.

Will be trying to chatch up with the forum in the next day or so, and hope you are well Jules.

Best Annabel. xx

Hi Annabel

Sounds like you have got 'grannying' down to a t very quickly and would imagine that Charlotte and Ava were rightly spoiled whilst you were there.  Think the new parents always appreciate someone to take on the cooking shopping etc and it can be hard to juggle in the early days.  As you probably gathered I am still a granny in waiting. Saw my daughter today when the family dropped in for a couple of hours (bringing some lovely warm fresh rolls for lunch with them) and she is 'blooming' but a little impatient now bless her.  As soon as new arrival comes her hubby has a weeks holiday and then I am taking a week so can help with housework and school runs if necessary though she keeps telling me it will be just good to have my company during the day so that she gets a chance to relax and get into some sort of routine (if its anything like the first time round she was out shopping even before the midwife had signed her off!! (though she was told off for not being home when the health visitor dropped by)).

Hope you managed to get workload sorted - nightmare when routine gets interrupted and you are playing catch up. Do take care and hope to chat again when you have a  moment to yourself.  Jules x