This discussion has been locked.
You can no longer post new replies to this discussion. If you have a question you can start a new discussion

Continuing the journey

Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

Parents
  • Jules,

    I am so sad to read what you are going through today. Try not to feel guilty, it is not your fault and it is not something that you have caused.

    You are a very caring person and no doubt have been a very caring daughter.

    We women do guilt really well for some reason.

    I think you are right when you say maybe you should let your mother go with the social worker on the visit.

    It may be helpful for you to visit your Mum as soon as possible afterwards to help her with her thoughts and decisions.

    I am sorry you are feeling so negative and wish I could help you feel a little more positive.

    Sending some hugs to help you get through the day ,

    Annabel. xx

Reply
  • Jules,

    I am so sad to read what you are going through today. Try not to feel guilty, it is not your fault and it is not something that you have caused.

    You are a very caring person and no doubt have been a very caring daughter.

    We women do guilt really well for some reason.

    I think you are right when you say maybe you should let your mother go with the social worker on the visit.

    It may be helpful for you to visit your Mum as soon as possible afterwards to help her with her thoughts and decisions.

    I am sorry you are feeling so negative and wish I could help you feel a little more positive.

    Sending some hugs to help you get through the day ,

    Annabel. xx

Children
  • Evening Annabel

    Well Mum taught me a thing or two today.  Social Worker went to the home and offered her the chance to visit the sheltered housing.  Mum told her no way, she would prefer to spend all her savings on staying where she is!!  Social worker phoned me to see if I would like to spend 24hrs trying to change her mind - she really has no idea what a waste of time that would be as once Mum has made a decision she will stick by it.  So we have stalemate and it would seem that Mum remains self funding until her money has run out.  At least now  I know I did the right thing with letting Mum make a decision without my influencing her so am feeling a little less guilty and have my emotions back under control for now anyway.  Thanks for your support.

    Hope Charlotte and the baby doing well and you managed the Skype connection to get a good look at the new edition to your family.

    Chat again soon  and thanks for being an online mate.  Jules xx

  • Hi Jules,

    Isn't it great that ones Mum can still teach us something at our age?!!!!!!!

    Pity the SS cannot learn the same.

    Something we have all learnt on this forum, we cannot control life, otherwise none of us would be here.

    Your Mum sounds like quite a character and very likeable. It's always satisfying when beaurocrates don't get their own way.

    Score; Mum 10 The SS nil points.

    Haven't yet had chance to skype with Charlotte ( Bad Night had by new parents) but did have a chat with Declans Mum ( the other granny, ). We play words with friends on FB and have become friends over the years.

    Until this baby has an official name we have decided to refer to her as Petal.

    I hope your daughter and family are doing okay at the moment, not too long for her either now.

    I hope you have a less stressful day today.

    Online mates have a very particular place in ones life, thank you for being one too.

    Annabel. xx

  • Hi Annabel

    Just a quick post to say hope you see the new edition (Petal) soon.  Have just realised I dont know where my spare keys for my daughters are so need to get hunting. Will chat again soon and hope all is well with you.  Thanks again for your kind wordds. Jules x