Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Hopewells - I am  sorry to hear about both your Mum and your little brother, although good news that he is on the mend, and am sorry you are going through all this at such a young age.  I wish you well with all that lies ahead.  I take on board what you say about feeling lucky for the time I have had with my Mum, but that doesn't necessarily make what she is going through any easier to deal with - with things like this, it's probably best not to try and compare who is luckier than who, as when you are going through it, I'm sure it's just as hard for all of us for many different reasons and in many different ways.  Thank you for your advice and your prayers and for sharing your story.

Mickied - thanks also for your reply, you are absolutely right that the only way to deal with this is to live one day at a time, and I absolutely have to focus on doing that.  But you are right that it comes down to the kind of person you are, and just because something like this happens, you can't suddently change the way you feel or react to things.  I wish you all the strength to get through this to, and please stay in touch as  I feel there are some similarities in the way we are feeling and coping.

Brian - a massive thanks to you again, you write so well and manage to say so many of the right things.  Thank you for your wishes.  I am feeling better this week, and planning a few more trips to spend time with Mum  I just want to until we are given some more indication fo what the future holds, and without sounding morbid, would never want to regret not spending time with her - she keeps feeling guilty about us travelling to see her, so I am having a job convincing her that we do it because we want to!  All the very best to you and please stay in touch.

Catherine x

Hello Catherine,

Just wanted to say that I can totally identify with wanting to see your Mum as much as you can just now.  I can remember saying to my sister (who lives in Norway) when Dad was first diagnosed and his illness deemed curable to see her Dad as often as if he was not going to get better, just in case  -  I acted in the same way, although obviously we couldn't tell Dad thats what we were doing - instead we came up with every excuse we could think of for visiting as often as possible.  I think it was the best plan for both of us we have some very precious memories of times we spent with him both when he was ill and in the times he was well - these memories mean the world to both of us, and I think Dad really appreciated all  the time we spent with him too.  I think we all just knew that we needed each other so much at a time like that - thats what families are for.  I hope things are still going ok for your Mum.  Dont beat yourself up about feeling down at times, it is a very stressful and anxious time for all of you and some days you cope ok and other days you are in bits - it just means that you love your Mother very much and hate to see her so unwell.   Take care of yourself Katielouie x 

Hello Catherine,

Just wanted to say that I can totally identify with wanting to see your Mum as much as you can just now.  I can remember saying to my sister (who lives in Norway) when Dad was first diagnosed and his illness deemed curable to see her Dad as often as if he was not going to get better, just in case  -  I acted in the same way, although obviously we couldn't tell Dad thats what we were doing - instead we came up with every excuse we could think of for visiting as often as possible.  I think it was the best plan for both of us we have some very precious memories of times we spent with him both when he was ill and in the times he was well - these memories mean the world to both of us, and I think Dad really appreciated all  the time we spent with him too.  I think we all just knew that we needed each other so much at a time like that - thats what families are for.  I hope things are still going ok for your Mum.  Dont beat yourself up about feeling down at times, it is a very stressful and anxious time for all of you and some days you cope ok and other days you are in bits - it just means that you love your Mother very much and hate to see her so unwell.   Take care of yourself Katielouie x 

Hello Katielouie,

Thanks again for getting in touch - hope you are doing ok?

Like you, I have been thinking of lots of ways of getting to see my Mum, without making it really obvious to her that I am worried about how much longer I'll be able to do this.  I really hope I don't sound morbid, it sounds like you did a very similar thing so am sure you understand the reasons.  I am off to see my mum and dad tomorrow, just for a couple of days and then we have a longer break with them over the Mother's day weekend, that's a very important one for me.  Something that is hard is that my mum feels guilty for me/us going up so often so I'm also having to think of ways to respond to that - I think part of it is that it reminds her that something is wrong, and I would hate to do anything that upsets her even more. But as you said, it is not just about having time together, it is also support for my dad, and also (I hope) trying to provide some change to the routine they are in whilst Mum is having treatment.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, all the very best to you,

Catherine x