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Terminal cancer - husband has been given a maximum of 3 years. He doesn't want to accept help from others. How hard will this become?

Sarah-b65
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My husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the kidney, lung and now showing signs around the heart. He has been given a maximum of 3 years. We have told the family, he doesn't want to accept help from others but I'm worried as I still need to work full time on a stressful role. Can anyone advise as to how hard this will become.,the only treatment can be a daily tablet to slow it down.

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    Hi Sarah-b65, 

    What a shock it must have been for you to find out that your husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he has been given a maximum of 3 years. It must be a bit difficult for you that he doesn't want to accept help from others especially as you are working full time and have a demanding job. 

    There is interesting information on our website about how a cancer diagnosis can affect family, friends and carers which I hope you will find useful and it is important also not to forget to take care of yourself especially as you have such a stressful role at work and it can be easy to forget oneself when looking after a loved one with cancer. 

    It's very hard to know how things will develop and what adjustments or decisions will have to be made in the future but you could perhaps discuss this with your husband's medical team and ask them to give you an indication as to what to expect even if it can be difficult to predict. 

    Our cancer nurses are also available on this free number 0808 800 4040 if you would like to talk things through or ask them for advice - their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you so much, not been on line as I nearly lost my daughter to pervated bowel and sepsis. She is thankfully making a good recovery after being told to prepare to say goodbye. We have a further CT stthis month with my husband and follow up on the 5 May. I think we need to ask the difficult questions can you advise what I could ask .

  • Offline in reply to Sarah-b65

    Hi Sarah-b65, 

    Oh poor you I am so sorry you went through all this on top of what you are already going through with your husband. How awful that you almost lost your daughter to sepsis but I am glad she is making a good recovery and I hope she is now completely on the mend and that you can put this nightmare behind you. 

    Best of luck to your husband for his CT scan and for the follow up on the 5th of May. It's hard to ask those difficult questions but I would advise you write everything down that springs to your mind - there is no bad or awkward question and writing it all down in advance can be helpful as it's easy to forget what we meant to ask during the appointment.

    I am not sure myself what particular questions you should ask but perhaps it might be worth ringing our nurse helpline on this free number 0808 800 4040 and talking things through with them as they may have some suggestions or further guidance for you. The helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

    I hope that his appointments go well! 

    Lucie

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