Hi, I’m 22 and my mother (59) has cancer in her digestive system that is incurable. She’s on a specific diet but will eventually lose the ability to digest food entirely, at that point she’ll be fed through total parenteral nutrition. By then, people tend to only live for about a year on average.

I have no idea what to do. My mother lives alone but I visit whenever I can, she’s divorced and my sister is bad at keeping in contact with us. My dad will help where he can but, being divorced, he’s obviously not as involved on the day to day.

I’m trying to help however I can, it’s just a very strange and terrifying time because it’s this future death that might not happen for years, or could suddenly happen within the next few months - nobody knows. I don’t know. I’m at uni but I can’t bring myself go - I live by myself with a friend, but I feel guilty staying there instead of being with mum. She’s as active and energetic as one can be with cancer at this point, and she tells me not to feel guilty and to keep living my life whilst seeing her when I want to, but I feel so lost and afraid of losing her and like I’m doing an awful job of being there for her if I’m not with her all the time.

I’m also terrified of what comes after; my family aren’t that tight-knit. I was always closest and most emotionally vulnerable with my mum. She’s always there for me, more than anyone else. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.

Sorry for the long post, I suppose I should just say I’m asking for any advice on how to care for someone who’s dying but slowly? How to live through this time without crying every few hours? How to prepare myself? I don’t know. How to be a good son for her in her final years? Anything at all, really.

Any advice or shared stories would be appreciated. Thank you.