Hello Joanny

I am so sorry that your husband and you are going through such a difficult time.  My heart goes out to you both.  Sadly, I lost my husband in September 2016, aged 60.

Home and family was everything to us.  When we were giving the devastating news that he was terminal and nothing else could be done he wanted so so much to have a last family holiday.  Our local hospice was amazing.  We already during his cancer treatment had their nurses at home coming out to us.  Things reached a point where they decided to stay at night to help understand what was happening with my husband, pain control, lack of sleep amonst things.  In the morning they told me they would go back and discuss things with the hospice, which they did.  They called me just a couple of hours later explaining they had a bed available and they would be able to get his pain under control and help with his mental health and us as a family.  While he was in the hospice they were also searching a holiday for us near to a hospice so that if we needed help was their.  Sadly my husbands health deteriated quite quickly.  They became concerned that the cancer may be spreading to his brain.

My husband found it difficult that a stranger was staying the night in his home.  The nurse also wanted myself and our daughter and 6 month old grandson to be able to try and get some sleep.  I also struggled with not being up with my husband during the night.  But thats what we did, the hospice nurse was amazing.

My husband spent 21 nights in our hospice.  They were beyond amazing.  I struggled with my husband going into the hospice as he wanted to be at home.  He went in for pain control and was going to then come home.  I spent the days at nights at the hospice, nothing was to much for them.  I also had a couple of nights at home.  Again I found this beyond difficult to do.  I stayed the days but went home for a night, on two or three occasions.  A family relative stayed on those nights, again meant so much but I still strugged with not being with my husband during the night.  We also, my husband, myself and my daughter had a day trip out from the hospice.  He was also coming home for a weekend to see how things went and then hopefully to be fully discharged and remain at home and also have our last family holiday.

Sadly I became poorly with a sickness bug so my husband did not come home that weekend.  Im becoming a little confused in trying to explain this all to you.  I dont want to add to your worries and heartbreak you are both going through.  I feel guilt and beyond sadness to this day that my husband did not make it home, where in my heart, as he could not talk about things, I know if he had not been for our hospice we/us would never have coped at home in the way his illness progressed.  He was in the best place to help his passing be as painfree and peaceful as possible.  

I have so much emphathy for you, you want to do everything you can and be their for your husband, which you are doing, you are, your love shines through.  Your husband has expressed his feelings himself about you and pain relief and everything at hand safely.  You will both and family be looked after in every way, ways we don't think about at the time when go through such a devastating heartbreak.  You will still be their for your husband, you are not silly, your hurt because of what the cancer is putting you all through.  I empathise with your sadness, crying and quandary and watching you husband fade away, it breaks my heart for you both.  

I don't know if you have already, but go along, talk with them and see for yourself, its still very hard I know.  Our hospice was a wonderful, homely, bright cheerful environment, a home from home with amazing nurses, doctors, carers, chefs, cleaners, cafe everything and also we met amazing people, patients and their families.

What you are going through now is devastating beyond words, and Im truly sorry that you are both going through so much.  I send love and hugs to you both xx

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me. Much appreciated. It looks like my husband may be transferred to the hospice today. As you were, I’m so upset he can’t come home but he seems content so I guess that’s more important than what I’d prefer. No one can prepare you for all of this heart ache can they? Xxx 

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it. It seems that my husband might be moved to the hospice today. I’m very upset but he seems content for this to happen which I guess is the most important thing. No one can prepare you for the heartache can they?

My husband was doing well on his chemo until August then it all went pear shaped. He had a great 70th birthday party in June which I’m so grateful for.

Love and hugs back xx 

Sadly No, nothing can prepare you.  I hope you both find some peace together at the hospice.  You are there for him.  My husband was also doing well then things went pear shaped for him too.  Nothing can ever take away all your wonderful memories, nothing.   Your both important, your thinking of each other.  I know today will be hard beyond words.  Love and hugs xx

Sorry Joanny

I thought my message had not been sent.  Thinking of you xx

thanks