Hi Waves,

A very warm welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry to hear of the situation both you and your husband find yourselves in. Do you have any nurses attending your husband at home? If you mention that his current medication is not controlling his pain, they should be able to give him something stronger. As you rightly say, there are no easy answers and I hope that it has helped you by writing this down - many people find that it does.

None of us can stay strong all of the time and we nearly all find that things get too much at times. Do you have any carers or help coming in, or does everything fall to you? I sincerely hope that tomorrow is a better day. Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Take it a step at a time, whether that's 1 hour, a day,a week, whatever works for you both. Above all know you are doing your best and make the most of the better times he has and create some lasting memories xx

Thank you Jolamine, it really has helped to write this down. We have carers coming in twice a day and a hospice nurse who visits. Thank you for your lovely message. I'll ask for more pain relief for my husband. So hard seeing him this way. I'm hoping today will be a better day. As you say its hard to be strong every day isn't it.

Thank you for your lovely message 

Waves x

Hi Alice

As you say taking it hour by hour or day or week makes things feel more manageable. Thank you for your message, you are so right it is all about memories. Ive been trying to keep on top of housework and things too (we have a new dog - bonkers but it was one of our wishes) and I think I'm trying to do too much. Memories are more important. xx

The washing and housework will still be there tomorrow. A new dog will certainly keep you entertained and be there for you no matter what. 

Make some wonderful memories together xx

Hi Waves,

I am glad to hear that you have carers coming in, but I am surprised that you have had no input from your practice or district nurses. Can I ask how often you see the hospice nurse? If ever you find that your husband's pain is not being controlled, please mention it to the nurse and see that they alter or change his medication. You may find that his pain levels and general needs are likely to change from time to time. You are the person who will best appreciate any changes in your husband's needs, so it will be up to you to ask for whatever is needed. Don't feel bad about asking for things - in reality, these are things that you should be offered, without having to ask. 

How is your husband managing with food? It is normal to be left with an end-of-life pack of medication in the house as the end approaches - again, something to ask the nurses about. I am glad to hear that you felt it helped to write things down yesterday and I do hope that today has been a better day. Do you have any support from family or friends?

Please remember that there is always someone here for you and we appreciate the heartbreak that you are going through.

Kind regards,

Jolamine  xx