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My dad has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and have found out they won't operate. Struggling with intrusive thoughts

Sandra2025
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I'm devastated. He lives in France and I'm in the UK. I'm going to fly out there as soon as possible. He's being treated in Marseille.

I have very little information so far apart that they won't operate. What should I ask the doctors? What's the most efficient treatment?

How can I help my dad deal with this? The diagnosis took months to come as it started with a lung infection that wasn't going away.

I've had intrusive thoughts the whole time. Imagining the worst and now the worst has come. I want to stay strong and positive for him but I'm breaking down. 

If anyone could share their experience going through this, it would be very helpful.

Thank you.

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    Hi Sandra2025, 

    What a heart-breaking time it must be for you and it must be even harder with your dad being in France and you having to fly out to Marseille where he is being treated. It's hard also to know what to ask especially when you have so little information and with him being in another country where things might be a little bit different. I am sorry to hear that they won't operate this must be a bit of a blow for you and I can imagine it has left you wondering why surgery is not an option and if you want the specialists to explain to you why they are unable to operate don't hesitate to ask them to explain everything thoroughly to you. Meeting his medical team will be a good opportunity for you to ask them what they think the most efficient treatment would be and what options are available to him still. It is always a good idea to write things down ahead of your appointment just to make sure you won't forget. 

    You will find on our website in-depth information on pancreatic cancer  including on treatment for pancreatic cancer which I hope you will find informative and if you have any questions on anything, our nurse team is here to guide you - you can call them on this free number 0808 800 4040 and their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

    You are probably feeling a little bit powerless, that you want to do something to help your dad but you find it hard really to know what to do to make a difference. It's normal to feel like you are breaking down and that it is all a bit much. We have a section for friends, family and carers that may give you a few good pointers on how to support someone with cancer. But as there is nothing quite like hearing from the personal experiences of others, I would now like to invite other members of our community who have been in a similar place to come and share their stories and thoughts on how best to handle this difficult situation. 

    We're thinking of you and your dad during this difficult time and I just wanted you to know that the forum is here for you anytime you feel the need to reach out to others who truly understand what you are currently dealing with. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Lucie, I can't thank you enough for your response and information That is very helpful already.

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