Hello lovely, 

Firstly I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You're right, cancer is so evil and just so cruel :( Having lost my beautiful Mum 2 months ago to TNBC i wanted to reach out. In the lead up I felt like I was going insane and struggled to cope. My Mum was only 57 so seeing her confused and agitated at the end absolutely broke me. 

I really hope you have some good support around? As I say, I struggled so much but I used help that was free and accessible like Macmillan and when things really got too much I rang the samaritans a couple of times (you don't need to be suicidal to speak to them) and I just sometimes found that speaking to a complete stranger is easier than people we know. I was seeing a counsellor/therapist during that time too and to be honest I'd have been lost without her during the lead up and even now so if you're not seeing a counsellor or anything and are able to money wise I would really recommend it. 

Also on YouTube (maybe not for everyone) I watched someone who has a big following called 'hospice nurse Julie'. Her videos are so informative and helpful as everything that panned out with my Mum I kind of knew was coming due to watching her videos. Some of her stuff is comforting, some may be triggering so just be careful x

It is truly gut wrenching what you're going through. Journalling also helps me just to get it all out. I understand that non of these are the magic answers but please know you're not alone. Sending love and strength. X

Can I ask you because I've never spoken to someone who has gone through TNBC and I understand it's an aggressive cancer and it can spread quickly, my grandma got admitted yesterday with hallucinations. She has pneumonia as well so would the confusion be from the cancer or pneumonia? It's all so confusing and overwhelming with so much information out there, I didn't feel like I was talking to my grandma yesterday, it's like she's changed over night. My concern is it's probably spread to her brain, it's already spread to her lungs. Thank you for your message, I definitely need to speak with someone because honestly this is just absolutely heart breaking. X

Bless you, my heart goes out to you because I know this painful journey too well and I'm still suffering from the aftermath. 

So of course I'm no expert and I would imagine on the hallucinating and confusion front that could be definitely down to the cancer or pneumonia or both. It can also be pain medications. That's what I was told when my Mum was in the hospice anyway. Age could be a factor, not sure how old your Grandma is but as I said, my Mum was 57 so when she lost lucidity it was a shock and heart breaking to see because she was a woman that was so full of life and so sharp. 

I absolutely don't want to scare you or anything because everyone's cancer journey is different but my Mum started with hallucinating around a month before passing but then bless her, she'd snap herself back out of it realising that it's not real if I'm making sense. But pretty much confused, unable to speak and making no sense was around 4 days before passing away. Her body was too weak but she was frustrated and kept trying to get out of bed, she was trying to put the blanket over her head and couldn't even figure out how to get a straw in her cup to drink. So as I said, I'm no expert and everyone is different but the hallucinating is probably a strong indicator of the cancer/pain meds depending what she's on. My Mum was on all sorts because her pain was so bad. 

My inbox is open if you need a chat because I know how horrendous it feels to be where you are x

Thanks so much for replying, sorry I've been slow, a lot going on, grandma has took a turn for the worse, hospital neglect, so im currently fighting to get her moved. There is a few things but some things are they failed to provide fluids for more then 12 hours, no medication given or pain relief so my poor grandma is in pain, she had a fall 30 hours go and the hospital have only just done an xray. I'm disgusted and heart broken she is being treated this way. Do we not have enough to deal woth right now. Honestly life is cruel 

But thank for replying it's good to know that I have someone to talk to x

Hello, I'm also really sorry for the slow reply. I'm somewhat in a pit of despair at times when my grief gets really bad over my Mum so struggle with messaging sometimes. 

But I fully get your turmoil and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You have my sympathy as my Mum had similar negligence in the hospital. It haunts me now. Left her without pain meds and was crying in absolute agony. It breaks my heart thinking about.

Have you been spoken to about hospice care? Because hospice care is soo world's apart from the hospital. They took amazing care of my Mum and I thank god she passed away there and not in hospital. 

I really hope your Grandma is a bit more settled and out of pain. Sending big hugs because I know how hard this is, it's a living nightmare. My heart goes out to you x

She has declined quite quickly, they have now stopped all medication, just continuing with pain relief, she is peaceful in her own room, it's quite and cosy, we have all been there all day because the hospital thonk she only has hours left. To say im heart broken is an understatement. I'm truly sorry and send my condolences to you also who has had to go through this because I wouldnt wish it on anyone. It's a complete emotional roller coaster. I've told her I love her and I'll miss her so much but I hope she is always with me in spirit. She has had her blessings from a priest today also. 

Sending hugs to you also, thank you for reaching out it really is so kind of you. Xxx

The nurse took my grandma off oxygen, she passed away peacefully 20 minutes later at 16.55, she's at peace now, no more suffering, she's with my grandad now, im absolutely heart broken xxx

I'm so sorry lovely, sending you the biggest hugs. I'm so glad it was was peaceful and it's so lovely that she'll be with your Grandad. You be kind to yourself and sending lots of love xxx

Hi Rdavis, 

I just wanted to echo what StrawberryBear has said, and offer you our heartfelt sympathies for your loss.

I know this must be incredibly painful, but I hope you can take some comfort from knowing she has now reunited with your grandad, and that she was able to pass peacefully.

Our thoughts are with your Rdavis, and we're sending you all our strength and support at this very difficult time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator