Hello A-mi4

There are usually two sufferers in a cancer diagnosis, the patient with the other requiring endless patience.As a former stage 4 cancer recipient l always felt that the other had the much harder shift.

As normality disappeared below the horizon,my present focus was total commitment on getting through each day,  future commitment was to putting my affairs in order to ensure l left my wife in the best possible place should my foe succeed.Said like this it all seems very sensible, but completely omits the very obvious need to invest in our relationship and attempt to maintain normality.

l well remember the feeling of complete exhaustion with little energy left to put towards this, the guilt l carried for not being able to be the person l was before in our relationship, and most of all the hurt l was causing my other half. It felt like l was piloting a ship with no rudder, on little power, steering an erratic course having left my only and most trusted crewmate standing on the jetty fearing the worst, helpless to steer our vessel to safety.Left alone to maintain a harbour in the hope that a miraculous turnaround brings her ship back to a safe anchorage

Its a desperatly difficult hard place for the onlooker to have to occupy and one l would struggle to see was easier than the patient, and one l am not sure l could have managed if our places had swopped.

l am struggling here a bit to express myself clearly but l think what l am trying to say is my hero is not the one in the fight, but that very close bystander whose participation in the physical is non existent, but mentally and emotionally is immense,  People understand cancer is debilitating, hopefully many of us that have travelled this path recognise that applies to not only the patient.

l understand your words and regret the position you face, and can only hope the future improves for you both

David

Hi A-mi4

I totally understand how you are feeling.  My partner is currently having a second treatment of chemo, this time in tablet form.  He has withdrawn so so much from me and I feel selfish for feeling so lonely.  He is barely talking to me at the moment so it is challenging knowing how I can support.

I feel that by you just being there, even if in silence, that he will feel your love and support.  Pls know you are not alone.  Lots of love xx