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When its hard to see them suffering

Rhubarbdragon
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Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by keeping caring for your loved one ?

Its been over a year since diagnosis with prognosis of 12, months 

Lots of ups and downs during that time 

Im finding it hard to be 'on duty' all the time for hubby the longer we travel this path.

Always feel on high alert for next crisis and spills into other stuff

Own health not great which doesnt help.

 this cancer business is truly cruel for our loved ones and b.....rubbish for us who love em. Hubby now experiencing lots of pain which is making life very difficult for him

The secondaries are getting worse 

its hard to watch and I just keep going into another room to cry 

I feel so angry at the cancer 

Phew its rubbish

Wishing everyone the strength to continue their fights 

RB

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    Hi Rhubarbdragon, 

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your feelings - it takes a lot of courage sometimes to write these down but I hope that it will help you to offload a little bit with others here who know exactly what you are going through and how it can make you feel when you see your loved one suffering. All these ups and downs, the emotional rollercoaster is something that so many members of our community will be able to relate to. I am so sorry that your own health hasn't been so good either which will make it extra hard for you at the moment.  As you say, cancer can be cruel both for the person affected but also for the loved ones who feel a bit powerless and for whom it is so painful to witness all this suffering. It's so sad that the secondaries are getting worse and perhaps this is contributing to your husband's increased pain. It might be worth talking to his medical team about the fact he is in so much pain and asking whether there is anything they can suggest to alleviate this pain. Getting it right when it comes to pain relief is so important so that your husband can be as comfortable as possible. Our website has valuable information on cancer and pain control which includes a section on treating cancer pain. 

    It's completely normal to feel angry and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone here on Cancer Chat and I hope that I will be joined by others in welcoming you here and that you will receive many messages of support to help you get through each day. We're thinking of you both during this challenging time. 

    Best wishes to you and your husband, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you Lucie for you thoughtful comments I literally sat down feeling a bit upset and spotted your reply 

    So it was good timing 

    • Yes I spent all day chasing down getting pain meds sorted.....wont go into specifics but survise to say it was stressful exhausting and unacceptable system from medical team/oncologists
    • Quite cross
    • Thsnkfully got hold of on call gp who sorted it out pdq

    I know where my first port of call will be going forward.

    Some improvement in last 36 hours 

    I know it will only get worse ( from previous experiences) and its really hard to carry hubbys anxiety for him

    It sounds selfish but I defy anyone to be judgemental at this point

    Walk the walk before you talk is my new mantra....

    I console myself that as tough and rubbish it all is Im doing my best.

    Here is supportive and i am truly glad i just picked up your message

    I would say to anyone who follows on at any point and finds themself here.

    It is totally understandable to feel all your feelings 

    Make most of the nice moments and get support in any way you can

    Go out in the fresh air

    Talk to someone about anything not cancer related it will give you something to recharge your batteries

    And tell people you love them every day

    Life is too short ....

    Rb

  • Offline in reply to Rhubarbdragon

    You are an amazing example to everyone who is struggling,thankyou and stay strong

  • Offline in reply to Family-1_60

    Hello Family-1_60

    Thank you for taking time to reply :-) 

    I appreciate your sentiments. Sometimes we all need a cheerleader to remind us we are doing our best thank you.

    Sending you strength and hope 

    RB

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    This is normal I feel the exact same. I feel like I've lost the man I married and it makes me so sad because its not his fault. I suffer with panic attacks and I feel really stressed with everything going on. Im 21 and my husband is 24. I hate cancer. My husband is on 180mg of morphine. I hate morphine!!! I just wish something could be done for him. Xx

  • Offline in reply to A-mi4

    Cancer is awful,it creeps up and causes such pain and tears ppl apart,im dreading my next chemo and just keep thing how the hell did this suddenly happen to,so so greatful for this chat tho as cancer isolates pplxx

  • Offline in reply to A-mi4

    Oh my dear A-mi4

    I am so sorry to hear about your husband and your circumstances

    You are so young to be going through this 

    I really feel for you both. 

    You are right its very stressful and Im not surprised it is having an impact on your health

    Do you have any support ?

    Macmillian along with CRUK helplines are really helpful 

    Macmillan also help with financial stuff of course you may already have made contact ....

    I agree being able to message helps reduce that feeling of its just me 

    And seeing our hubbys change infront of us is heart breaking and it is a loss ....so feeling sad is quite normal  

    Sending you both love and strength

    RB

     

  • Offline in reply to Family-1_60

    HelloFamily-1_60

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think being scared is a perfectly understandable emotion to have when you have cancer and have to have chemo or any of the other grueling treatments to fight it.

    do you have anyone supporting you?

    Im glad you are finding messaging helpful

    You are not alone  ....

    Sending love and strength

    RB

  • Offline in reply to Rhubarbdragon

    Thankyou so much,i have support but dont want to burden pplxx

  • Offline in reply to Family-1_60

    Hi ya 

    You are welcome :-)

    Its hard open to up especially if you are seen as the strong one in your family / group of friends isnt it

    When is your next treatment?

    Can you chat to your nurses ?

    Hubby has a counsellor free via the local nhs cancer support which he finds helpful might be something to think about it might help with the fear etc

    Its also okay not to want to talk too....

    Look after yourself

    Kindness is our best gift and you deserve the best.

    RB

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