Not sure what to think. Wife has Metastatic bone cancer

My lovely gorgeous wife, who I married in September, was diagnosed with breast cancer (2 types in her right breast) a month after we got married. She had breast cancer and reconstruction in her left breast 11 years ago (long before I knew her). She had a full mastectomy and reconstruction in December plus lymph node removal as a precaution. No radiation or Chemotherapy required (both were required with her left breast). We were over the moon as was the breast care team.

But then things started to go wrong. 

Anne just was not well. Very tired. Temperatures and violent shivers. The worst coughing fits I've ever heard (probably caused by a rescue cat that we took on; although who ultimately prompted the full diagnosis). 

Anne had various x-rays, CT scans, MRIs, full body scans. As a result she was diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer. Even more alarmingly this has seemed to spread very quickly. Firstly we were told it was in her spine, then her ribs, her pelvis and her femurs. On Monday a doctor told us it was "everywhere". The breast care team and oncology have been very proactive; Orthopedics have been frustratingly (I would suggest bordering on negligently) slow as it doesn't seem they're bothered about the cancer. It's been suggested she might need hip replacements, and even femur strengthening or replacement.

I had to call an ambulance for Anne on Monday as she has a high temperature and was delirious. The paramedics measured her temperature at 39.5 degrees. She was admitted immediately.

It transpires Anne now has sepsis and they're trying to control her temperature and use antibiotics to fight the infection (apparently a rare Group B streptococcal infection).

We're very close and talk just about everything. However, I'm trying to stay strong for her, but find when by myself I am a quivering wreck. I'm so scared that I might loose Anne. If she survives for a number of years it's going to have a massive impact on our lives (which doesn't particularly worry me), but I find I simply can't switch from caring for Anne to trying to earn money. I'm self-employed as a business development manager (sales), but simply can not switch mind sets. Money is tight to say the least.

To further compound things, we live in an old canal workers cottage with very steep and narrow stairs; its just simply not going to work going forward.

I guess I'm writing this mainly to offload. But any constructive ideas would be much appreciated.

Dan

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  • Hi Dan,  I am so sorry to hear about your lovely wife Anne.  Cancer is such a horrible disease.  Like your wife I had breast cancer 13 years ago with operation, chemo, radiotherapy and tamoxifen etc.  Last year I had hip and back ache.  It transpires that I have metastatic breast cancer with extensive bone mets.  It was first in pelvis, then spine, then ribs and then skull it just is horrible.  My husband is self employed and he works from home.  I had to take ill health retirement from work as I get tired and can't sit for long periods.  I am on Ribociclib, Exemastane and Denosumab injections.  This is my seventh month on the medication.  It seems to have made the cancer stable so there is hope.  I am having radiotherapy next week as cancer is pushing into spinal cord.  I lead a pretty normal life and walk every day.  Have you looked at claiming any benefits, I worked for DWP for 21 years so know about benefits if you need any advice.  I am glad that you are able to offload on this safe place, my husband doesn't talk about it very much and I do worry about him.  Anyway I wish you and Anne lots of luck and hopefully she is home soon.  You are not alone.

    Lee x

  • Hello Lee

    Thank you sharing your experience. I hope the treatment helps you.

    Anne is in so much pain that at the moment normal activities like walking aren't possible.

    Macmillian have been brilliant in helping us to talk to the right people about benefits, etc. 

    Anne has been awarded higher rate "daily living" PIP but nothing for mobility which we found a bit strange seeing as she can't walk without crutches and a very limited distance; we have appealed.

    I am feeling a bit more positive since I first posted.

    Dan

  • Hi Dan,  that is very strange about PIP.  You definitely need to appeal because she isn't able to walk like you said.  Sometimes it all about how you fill the form in.  I am so glad that you are feeling a bit more positive.

    Lee x

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