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Feeling scared and selfish

Pen2

Husband recently diagnosed with inoperable oesophageal cancer - started chemo & immunotherapy this week - hes being upbeat and not showing a bad reaction yet - my mental state is all over the place - from wildly optimistic to virtually in full mourning for the loss that hasnt happened yet. 


Family & friends are thin on the ground - he is my everything & i find myself selfishly dwelling on a future without him rather than maximising the good times we can still have 

i feel like a total failure 

Parents
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    Hi Pen2,

    I know from experience that sometimes it is easier being a patient than a partner.
    Your husband needs to concentrate on his treatment - meanwhile you’re experiencing anticipatory grief, even though you’re hoping for the best. 
    Nothing about this experience is normal - we all react differently and at different times.
    Please don’t be hard on yourself, it will take time to get your head around this.

    Good luck to you both. 
    Dave

  • in reply to davek

    Thank you - today is a better day - but its really helpful being able to speak the unspeakable so i can knock it out of me. 

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