Hi biscuit1, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through with your Mum. My Mum is at the end of life with breast cancer so I know too well how this all is. I don't know the answer to the question about weight. I was sort of wondering myself. My Mum has lost a bit of weight but nothing drastic. Her appetite is very up and down.

I also wanted to reply because I can completely relate to what you're saying about people being in denial etc. I tell my Mum all the time that she needs to stop people pleasing and slow down. I feel like I'm the only one who sees how bad she actually is but then again I'm the only one who stays over at her house and sees her at her worst when others don't. It is frustrating though. Even now she's currently in hospital and people are texting her left,right and centre and it stresses her out. I tell her to just not open the messages and reply in her own time but that's just my Mum, she'll be a people pleaser to the end I'm starting to think which makes me sad. 

Anyway, sending hugs and strength x

Hello.  Thanks for replying. It sounds like we are in very similar situation!  Am so sorry to read about your mum too.

I actually wonder if the calcium becomes an issue before the weight loss if that makes sense ?  I know it's a real problem if secondary cancer is in the bones.

It's to difficult to know where you are at and it causes me to spiral all the time .  Add the denial of others and it's v hard not to feel alone isn't it ? 

X

Hello, sorry it's taken a while to reply. My mum was in hospital for pretty much a week so I've just not really been on my phone. 

I completely get how you're feeling though. After my Mum had been in hospital for the week in a bad way people still aren't getting it and I feel like I'm going to snap at some point. 

I don't know enough to comment on calcium/bones. It's a difficult one :( 

Anyway I hope you're doing as well as you can in this situation and sending strength. X

Hi Strawberry Bear,  the denial is Awful.  Makes you want to scream inside yet you feel you can't go around being the grim reaper either .  It's so hard.  I hear you .

How is your mum now ?  Mine is much the same. Like watching a horrible slow decline 

Literally! Like my family's attitude is that she's going to get well enough to do things again. I know that's definitely not the case. You do not get better when you are terminal with months to live. 

She's not great if I'm honest (thanks for asking x). She's still in a lot of pain and very sleepy/weak. The hospice/palliative care team are very disappointing too. We're having to chase prescriptions all the time which is causing my Mum stress and the hospice just aren't there for her how we imagined. How is your Mum? I totally agree, it's so awful to see :( 

Literally! Like my family's attitude is that she's going to get well enough to do things again. I know that's definitely not the case. You do not get better when you are terminal with months to live. 

She's not great if I'm honest (thanks for asking x). She's still in a lot of pain and very sleepy/weak. The hospice/palliative care team are very disappointing too. We're having to chase prescriptions all the time which is causing my Mum stress and the hospice just aren't there for her how we imagined. How is your Mum? I totally agree, it's so awful to see :( 

Same here re family.  She's tired when she's not doing anything at all !   .I know denial is a coping mechanism but it leaves you feeling very alone if you are the one who realizes what's going on.  .

Re the palliative team, we ended up calling the Gp who hadn't been great before but has now stepped up massively and deals with prescriptions etc. 

The Patient liason people are good if you have one in the hospital and you can always call Macmillian and ask nurses if you need to 

But you have to shout and fight and scrap for every bloody bit of help.  The NHS is in the worst state .

Just shout and advocate as much as you can. I don't care if they hate me right now lol 

We haven't gone down th hospice route as mum won't hear of it and won't even talk about it .   

Like you I feel like screaming at times. It's so much harder than it should be