Hello Rhubarbdragon

I am so very sorry for all your husband and yourself are going through.  I lost my husband, my soulmate to junctional oesophagus cancer going into the 9th year now.  Your words to the Moderator, Steph really touched me, very beautiful, very moving.   Your advise to others is so moving and is what will help you too.  I still struggle and miss my husband everyday and everynight.  We have a wonderful daughter, who has helped and been there for me always.  We had our first grandson, our daughters first child, who was 6 months when grandad, my husband passed away, having them both gave me the strength to carry on.  The love of my husband also gave me the strength to carry on.  My daughter now has two boys, they bring me such joy it helps so much, but I am so sad that grandad is not here to share in all the precious days with them.  He was broken hearted to not see our grandson grow.  We talk about him all the time and they both say goodnight and blow kisses to grandad David on the clould.  I take him with me in whatever I do and whereever I go, with my family and with my wonderful friends who have been such a support to me also.  I could not do it without my family ad friends.  Im glad your husband is able to open up a little to you, but I wish with all my heart this was not happening to him and you.  My husband couldnt talk about things, although I know he was so worried about leaving me and his family.  I wouldnt allow myself to accept what was happenning.  My husbands  relatives tell me I coped so well during that time.  I knew in my heart but couldnt addmit to myself.  Im sorry I dont have much advise or how to say to you.  I am thinking of you both.  Take care xxxx

Hello Rhubarbdragon

I am so very sorry for all your husband and yourself are going through.  I lost my husband, my soulmate to junctional oesophagus cancer going into the 9th year now.  Your words to the Moderator, Steph really touched me, very beautiful, very moving.   Your advise to others is so moving and is what will help you too.  I still struggle and miss my husband everyday and everynight.  We have a wonderful daughter, who has helped and been there for me always.  We had our first grandson, our daughters first child, who was 6 months when grandad, my husband passed away, having them both gave me the strength to carry on.  The love of my husband also gave me the strength to carry on.  My daughter now has two boys, they bring me such joy it helps so much, but I am so sad that grandad is not here to share in all the precious days with them.  He was broken hearted to not see our grandson grow.  We talk about him all the time and they both say goodnight and blow kisses to grandad David on the clould.  I take him with me in whatever I do and whereever I go, with my family and with my wonderful friends who have been such a support to me also.  I could not do it without my family ad friends.  Im glad your husband is able to open up a little to you, but I wish with all my heart this was not happening to him and you.  My husband couldnt talk about things, although I know he was so worried about leaving me and his family.  I wouldnt allow myself to accept what was happenning.  My husbands  relatives tell me I coped so well during that time.  I knew in my heart but couldnt addmit to myself.  Im sorry I dont have much advise or how to say to you.  I am thinking of you both.  Take care xxxx

Hello Leigh60

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and for your kind words.

I understand the knowing but not admitting bit I think its a protection and coping thing....if we give in to the dark thoughts we couldnt get through the day sometimes 

I am glad you have your family to support you 

And keeping your husband with you and alive for your grandchildren is lovely.

I am dreading it when it does happen but we are not there yet so while hubby is still here and willing to fight this rotten disease I shall endeavour to be strong for him and our offsring

Thank you for your support 

Kindest wishes to you and your family