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Listening ear - my partner is unwell and left our relationship today

SammyM
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Hi all

Feeling a little lost. My partner is unwell and has left the relationship today because I overacted because he posted a picture of him and his ex wife. This was deeply upsetting but he’s since explained it was to give him strength because it was a happy time. I feel totally lost. He doesn’t want me to attend any medical appointments nor share any further updates. I feel tremendous shame for needing support knowing what he’s going through. He’s cut me off like a light switch. Only two days ago we were discussing how we’d manage his diagnosis and now he’s gone. 

Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings here. 

Sending love & light to you all during this time. 

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    HI Sammy. I really do feel for you. What a sad situation.....not sure what to say...just wanted to reach out. Please stay on this forum, it's  somebody to talk to.  Talking really does help. In my own situation I  have literally nobody at all to offload, just to listen and care and hug...

    I'm thinking your partner is probably feeling vulnerable, hence looking to the past for comfort. Stay in touch in a friendly manner with him if possible. You may find his feelings, and attitude  will change over a period of time. He is probably still in  shock and not thinking straight....

    If he was married for some time,  and with you for less time, maybe he sees the past relationship as a place of comfort, even safety.  In your shoes I think I would give him time to think. Rash moves are often the ones we regret. Don't  pressurise him, but if you are able to contact him, don't be critical or dramatic  or judgemental....

    His brain is on overload at the moment, and you must feel unwanted, rejected. My heart goes out to you.  Maybe once you have both had some headspace it might be possible to invite  him to meet you on neutral ground say a coffee bar, and assure him you only want a very casual chat , no recriminations, no tears...say you understand even if you don't,  he is welcome to pop in any time...let him feel the ball is in his court....

    It won't be easy but it may be what he will respond to, knowing the love is still there and your door open. No strings attached, chat about anything but the illness, or the ex wife!

    A film you saw,  the garden,  even the news or the weather, any subject that won't  sound sound like an ultimatum.   Don't  be tempted to talk about your feelings, rather ask about his feelings, cautiously...

    my bet is he doesn't know if he is on foot or horseback!  Stay in touch on here Sammy. Keep us posted.

  • Offline in reply to mama54

    Morning

    Thank you for your kind words. I’m doing as you suggested and remain hopeful.

    I agree with you he is still suffering from shock. It’s not an easy journey. I can empathise with him as my middle daughter was diagnosed back in 2019. I remember being in a daze for quite sometime - autopilot. I see this with him. He’s become very practical and totally shut emotion off. As you rightly say he is feeling overloaded. He has since blocked all channels of communication - I’m just going to roll with it as it might be his way of coping with everything. This is all happening to him & I need to remember that and allow him to go through the motions. It’s really tough being shut out but he must be afforded the time. 

    I’m glad I’ve found this forum as a safe place to talk. Thank you for being kind mama54. 

  • Offline in reply to SammyM

    you are welcome Sammy.....take care. x

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    Be kind to yourself, you've tried to support him and your reaction was justified. Deep down he'll know that. We always push away those closest to us.

    Try get a pamper day and positive time for yourself now.

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