Sibling has lung cancer. Worried I can't fully look after her and that she'll refuse outside help

My sister was mum's main carer as she was local to her. I live a train journey away. While my sister was looking after mum she became ill and she too was diagnosed with lung cancer.  I know how my sister feels about outside support even though mum did not want to go into hospital. When mum was very ill  my sister did not want community nursing support. Before my sister's diagnosis she would tell me what  a strain it was on her but when I suggested nurse support she became angry and said that she wasn't interested in Macmillan nurse support or any other support for mum and that it should be family

 Due to my sister being unable to continue caring for mum, mum reluctantly accepted the support of the community nurse until mum died at her home less than six months ago.

My sister is currently able to manage without a carer but she is not well having undergone several different treatments for over a year. I am willing to stay at my sister's to look after her a week at a time. Im not sure who will look after my grandson when my daughter goes out to work and i would need to arrange for someone to feed my cat. I know I would need a week for my mental health to recover and then I could provide care for another week and so on. I don't know if my sister would accept help from a nurse or a carer. She may have to at some point. I feel guilty because I don't want to give up my life as it is to live and care for my sister for several reasons. I am retired so work wouldn't be a problem. At the moment my sister is managing on her own. My head is in a whirl. Maybe I should be looking into the possibilities of nursing support for the future. It's like 'mum' all over again.

A long term friend of mine suggested a get some medication off the g.p. to help with my mental health but surely the way I'm feeling now is "normal" under the circumstances. I haven't really got a question. I just wondered if anyone had any opinions on what I've said.

  • A very warm welcome to the forum Hotchocolat312 although I'm very sorry for your loss, and to hear that your sister also has lung cancer.

    This must be such a difficult time as you try to find a way to care for your sister whilst mourning the loss of your mum but I hope I hope it helps to know that our members are here for you Hotchocolat312, and I'm sure it won't be long until some of them stop by to offer their support and advice.

    You can find out more about the support at home that may be available to your sister on our website, but we also have a team of cancer nurses you can discuss this with on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They're very insightful and will do all that they can to answer your questions and put your mind at ease about your current worries and concerns.

    It's important to take care of yourself at this time as well Hotchocolat312 so try not to feel guilty for how you are feeling. Be kind to yourself, and if you feel your mental health starts to get impacted at any point, don't hesitate to reach out to your GP and other mental health services. They are all there to help and support you at this challenging time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator