Brother has Advanced Cancer and is trouble

Hi 

My brother has advanced cancer of the lungs he also has stage 4 COPD and heart problems along with other problems.  He has been ill for a very long time now and is in a care home in England.  He seems very upbeat most of the time but is on Morphine every 2 hours.  He hardly eats anything sometimes just a breakfast the odd time he will have a small portion of Chinese or a kebab which lasts him a good few days. Lately he has been sick a lot.  Previously he was in hospital for nearly 9 months as he is on oxygen and kept smoking setting his face on fire several times. He has risk assessments done now he is in care as that is the only way he was allowed to keep his oxygen.  He has been a weed smoker for a very long time and was finding it very hard to give up.  He has had the police in at his hospital bed as he got caught with cannabis edibles and trying to give them to other patients. Since he has been in care he has been caught with more and the person that last visited him was reported to the police. Sometime I feel just let him out to do as he wants he isn't going to be here forever even though I completely disagree with drugs.  I travel down to England from Scotland to visit him every month and would never encourage his behaviour as we would get banned from the care home and not allowed to see him.  5 hours travelling down at the end of every month is taking its toll on me but he wont move back to Scotland he is the only family I have left and feel very stressed and upset that he would jeopardise my visits by getting something from anyone else and it being found after we visit.  I have told him this but this scares me.  I do not know how long he has left to live as I have rushed down there several times over the years thinking this is it and he has perked back up and is still here. I don't know what advice I'm looking for really think I just need somewhere to talk and say what's going on without him being judged for his actions but its really upsetting at the same time to talk to people that don't understand.  I lost my mum and dad to cancer also I watched both of them pass. Why is life so cruel e?

  • Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Prittypie although I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and the challenges you and your family are facing at this very difficult time.

    I'm sure some of our members who have found themselves in a similar situation with their loved ones will be along soon to offer you their support and advice, but in the meantime I just wanted to let you know about a charity called Addiction Family Support. They offer understanding and support to anyone who has been affected by a loved one's addiction so if you feel this is something that may help you at this time, do make sure you reach out to them on 0300 888 3853.

    We're here for you Prittypie and I hope you can take some strength, and comfort, from knowing that with our members by your side, you don't have to face this alone.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator