Hey Rhubarbdragon, 

I noticed you haven't had a reply just yet so I wanted to reassure you that your post has been seen and that we're thinking of you at this very difficult time.

I'm sure some of our members will share their experiences and advice with you soon but if it would help to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses they are just a phone call away on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They're very good listeners and will do all they can to support you.

My thoughts are with you Rhubarbdragon, and I hope your husband's treatment continues to give you and your family more time together.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello  

I am sorry to hear the struggle you are experiencing right now. 
My Husband was recently diagnosed with Advanced Bladder Cancer that has metastasised to the Lungs. He is too un fit for any systemic treatment, so it’s just treatment to help with symptoms. However, he isn’t experiencing any that require it right now. We have been married only 18 mths and most of this time has been dealing with first heart surgery, then neuropathy in his legs & feet, now this. Although it’s hard to set aside time for your own sanity, it’s just as important looking after yourself. You won’t be around to support the other loved ones or even him. 
I am very honest with myself and try to envisage life on the other side of the present trauma. If I didn’t do this, it would feel like endless sacrifice with minus a Love-one at the end of it. Forwa d thinking, as much information as you can find, (there is so much) taking a bit of time each day to set aside others and do something that brings you pleasure. These will help you own the situation better and be useful. You are a very important person to all those affected by your Husbands illness. We turn out mostly to be stronger than we think. The very best of Luck with it all, but It’s you strength that will prevail. 
Kind, Empathetic Regards ️

Hello  

I am sorry to hear the struggle you are experiencing right now. 
My Husband was recently diagnosed with Advanced Bladder Cancer that has metastasised to the Lungs. He is too un fit for any systemic treatment, so it’s just treatment to help with symptoms. However, he isn’t experiencing any that require it right now. We have been married only 18 mths and most of this time has been dealing with first heart surgery, then neuropathy in his legs & feet, now this. Although it’s hard to set aside time for your own sanity, it’s just as important looking after yourself. You won’t be around to support the other loved ones or even him. 
I am very honest with myself and try to envisage life on the other side of the present trauma. If I didn’t do this, it would feel like endless sacrifice with minus a Love-one at the end of it. Forwa d thinking, as much information as you can find, (there is so much) taking a bit of time each day to set aside others and do something that brings you pleasure. These will help you own the situation better and be useful. You are a very important person to all those affected by your Husbands illness. We turn out mostly to be stronger than we think. The very best of Luck with it all, but It’s you strength that will prevail. 
Kind, Empathetic Regards ️

Thank you for sharing your experience and how you are coping 

 you have a great deal to deal with so soon into your marriage. 

I too try to do things that fill up my batteries/ give me a break from the stress it also means I have more things to share with hubby.ie chat about etc which helps both of us.

I have had some thoughts about afterwards....so hearing you say you have too makes me feel less guilty 

I hope your hubby remains stable for as long as possible

Sending kindest wishes to you both