Hey Rhubarbdragon, 

I noticed you haven't had a reply just yet so I wanted to reassure you that your post has been seen and that we're thinking of you at this very difficult time.

I'm sure some of our members will share their experiences and advice with you soon but if it would help to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses they are just a phone call away on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They're very good listeners and will do all they can to support you.

My thoughts are with you Rhubarbdragon, and I hope your husband's treatment continues to give you and your family more time together.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello, 

I don't have the answers but I'm sending love, prayers and strength. My Mum is in palliative care with stage 4 breast cancer and no longer receiving treatment and I think at this stage like yourself, you're just in this limbo land and it can be so painful emotionally/mentally. It takes its toll.

I'm so sorry about your husband. Early 60s is so young and so unfair, my heart goes out to you. My Mum is 56 so again, far too young. 

As for 'how do other's cope?'. My experience, not very well but in a way you find yourself with absolutely no choice which is crushing at times. I've rang Macmillan a couple of times which I've find quiet helpful when I've struggled to deal with things. I have had to ring the samaritans at one point as well which by the way, you don't have to be suicidal to ring them. The lady I spoke to was amazing and helped to rationalise my feelings on what was a very dark day. I journal too. All those thoughts, I try hard to get it on paper. It can sort of help just getting those thoughts out. Non of this is the answer though, just things that have helped me a little but I'd be lying if I said I'm coping. I'm literally winging this situation day in day out. Anyway sending love, prayers and strength and I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through x

Hello StrawberryBear

Thank you for taking time to reply and for all your kindness.

Im  sorry to hear about your Mum.56 is no age ( i lost my own mum at a similar age,) so I feel for you because losing your Mum as a daughter is very hard and upsetting.

Sending hugs

I have also accessed the same types of  support at various times. It does help to get it out for sure.

I guess its understandable to feel overwhelmed at times 

I try to focus on things that make me feel better/ recharge batteries 

Funny memes in the middle of the night when I cant sleep!

I hope you can spend time you want with your Mum .

Kindest wishes to you both

Wow. I've read a few posts and it's uncanny how similar feelings can be regarding anticipatory grief. All these negative emotions throw your head in a whirl and it becomes unbearable at times which makes me feel selfish and guilty. I'm calmer after reading about other people's distress which sounds really weird and selfish but it's not meant to be. For me it's a positive. I guess we just get through it any way we can and derive comfort through sharing and praying. All things must pass.

Hi StrawberryBear

I agree understanding that others have /are experiencing the same sort of feelings etc makes me realise that its okay and "normal" 

It really is one day at a time isnt it

Heres to being kind to ourselves 

We are doing our best in difficult circumstances 

Kindest wishes 

Hello  

I am sorry to hear the struggle you are experiencing right now. 
My Husband was recently diagnosed with Advanced Bladder Cancer that has metastasised to the Lungs. He is too un fit for any systemic treatment, so it’s just treatment to help with symptoms. However, he isn’t experiencing any that require it right now. We have been married only 18 mths and most of this time has been dealing with first heart surgery, then neuropathy in his legs & feet, now this. Although it’s hard to set aside time for your own sanity, it’s just as important looking after yourself. You won’t be around to support the other loved ones or even him. 
I am very honest with myself and try to envisage life on the other side of the present trauma. If I didn’t do this, it would feel like endless sacrifice with minus a Love-one at the end of it. Forwa d thinking, as much information as you can find, (there is so much) taking a bit of time each day to set aside others and do something that brings you pleasure. These will help you own the situation better and be useful. You are a very important person to all those affected by your Husbands illness. We turn out mostly to be stronger than we think. The very best of Luck with it all, but It’s you strength that will prevail. 
Kind, Empathetic Regards ️

Thank you for sharing your experience and how you are coping 

 you have a great deal to deal with so soon into your marriage. 

I too try to do things that fill up my batteries/ give me a break from the stress it also means I have more things to share with hubby.ie chat about etc which helps both of us.

I have had some thoughts about afterwards....so hearing you say you have too makes me feel less guilty 

I hope your hubby remains stable for as long as possible

Sending kindest wishes to you both