Hi Adieu,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear of the situation with your husband, this must be incredibly difficult to deal with and I am sure the uncertainty must be tough as well.

I'm sure it's something others here will have experience with and so hopefully you'll get some more replies soon. We are always here whenever you may need it and I hope that the forum can be of some help to you, in terms of writing things down and reaching out to others.

It sounds like you have some support around you - keep talking to others as this is often helpful. If you feel you'd like further support, have a look at Macmillan and also Maggie's, who offer various resources as well as a helpline and local support centres.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, we were in a similar position last June. Out of the blue my husband got a stage 4 bowel cancer diagnosis with lots of mets across the liver. No symptoms at all just a call for a colonoscopy after an abnormal poo test.  He has been amazing. Had an immediate operation for a stoma because they thought the bowel would block then onto 12 sessions of folfox which he finished in December. His main symptoms were tiredness and awful sense of taste but had no nausea or sickness or ulcers. He does suffers from neuropathy because of the oxiliplatin and is still cold most of the time but it was manageable.
Amazingly he has now been told he may be able to have surgery to remove the liver mets and the bowel tumour. A possible route to a cure! Just waiting on all the post chemo scans. My husband is 59 and our children are 21, 17 and 15 so he is doing everything possible to be here for as long as possible. Don’t give up hope that he could have longer than 18/24 months and chemo might not be as bad as you fear. Good luck to you all - it is definitely a team effort to get through it!

Megastressed, my mum is just starting out on the road that seems quite similar to your husband's. She has just had the stoma fitted last Monday and is now awaiting a date to start chemotherapy. Can I ask how your husband's recovery after the stoma operation went? My mum has been having a fair bit of pain and just wondering how long that is likely to last. She is a lot older than your husband - 76 - but was in very good health before all this.

She's been told at least three months of chemo and then the round of scans to see if more is needed. I am really hoping she will also be able to have surgery but don't know how feasible it is in her case. It hasn't been suggested as an option.

Adieu, my advice to my mum was to try the chemo anyway. She (and your husband) can always quit if the side effects are so bad that a shorter time without them would be preferable, but they might not have too bad a time with them, so I think it's worth trying. Admittedly, I'm biased. From a selfish point of view, I want my mum for as long as possible. 

Thank you for your reply. It has given us a boost. My husband has just turned 74 - we got the bad news 3 days before his birthday on New Year’s Eve. Not the best timing in the world. The fact that you can have chemo & possibly have reasonable side effects makes me feel so much better able to cope. I have been dreading them. We were informed Friday that he starts chemo this Thursday. I’ve been frantically researching what he can & can’t eat. How to keep him as comfortable as possible. We live in France & although I don’t speak French fluently, I understand most of what I’m being told, but I worry that I will miss something important.  As my husband is also a type 2 diabetic we are seeing our GP tomorrow for advice on how to mange his diabetes. It’s onwards and upwards one day at a time & do our best. 

Recovery from the stoma has been great. He was in pain for a while - a good few weeks I would say, but he was out of hospital after 6 days and has had absolutely no issues since then. He has a colostomy and eats everything except salad, nuts, popcorn, sweetcorn, pips from a watermelon. He was cautious for a while but all good after a few months. Geo didn’t cause any issues either so no diarrhoea to deal with! He hates it but very quietly gets on with it. It is a big psychological adjustment. He had 12 rounds of chemo scheduled and he got them all with scans every 8 weeks to monitor progress. I hope all goes well with your Mum x

Thank you very much.

My husband managed on porridge for breakfast and home made soup for lunch. He has gone off bread entirely. Red meat is not good too. 

I’m so glad your husband is managing well with his stoma. As you say its not the most pleasant of things to have, but the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. The fact that he is now in a position to possibly have surgery is great and shows that chemotherapy can benefit patients. I am a great believer in mind over matter but it’s getting yourself into that headspace. Personally I’m arranging a couple of reiki sessions, it will help clear all the negativity away & hopefully be relaxing. Not everyone believes in a holistic approach but it can’t do any harm. I’ve always found reiki calming  & distressing. It’s all a learning curve as not one cancer patient is the same, but it’s good to talk and share experiences. Any hints and tips are a great boon. Simple things like not using an electric toothbrush as it may be too harsh for sensitive gums. We’ve been prescribed lots of preventative medication for side effects if my OH has them, mouthwash, anti sickness, anti diarrhoea  medication. The oncologist recommended turmeric as a good supplement, but nothing plant based. Vitamins and minerals only. Only time will tell. I wish you and your family a very healthy 2025.