Hello,

           Speaking as a stage 4 survivor l can tell you that lashing out in the initial weeks after a positive diagnosis is par for the course. Your mind goes into a negative meltdown as you wildly swing around desperately trying to find solid ground in a future where all you see is a dark abyss. It becomes easier to lash out because your mind iscompletely overloadedand will remain so until you can come to terms with it.

You also have to allow for the fact that you will not wish you transfer the incredible pain you are suffering to transfer to the ones you care about, seeing it as infective. It will take timefor you to see black and white again rather than the explosion of violent colour..

Time is the answer, most of us cannot maintain a high level of anger indefinitely.

Are you a bad person for stepping back?, NO, NO,NO, if not by doing so it drives you away from future support of one you care about. Being there but a little less initially would be a good strategy, allowing them to come back to you in time on their terms. Believe me when l tell you that they will need support, it just takes time for them to realise that.

If there is a Maggies centre near you,  suggesting they make contact where they can unload some of their burden on a third party would be a great help, they are wonderful places filled with those that have been there or are going through much the same. The accusations that are hurled towards you that you cannot possibly understand do not work there, and a cam gentle understanding oasis of peace helps you to regain solidity under your feet and a clearness in your outlook. leaving the path back to those that matter to you, once again in clear vision

Go gently, softly and avoid confrontational hurt and hopefully time will resolve the situation you currently find yourself in. Cancer never affects just the sufferer, its never a rile but a sawn off shotgun,

Good luck.

David