Supporting my dad & family

I'm really struggling with trying to support everyone all at once. My dad is a proud man but I can see the pain he's feeling everyday, it's hard. He doesn't want anyone fussing or any professionals in to help he just wants his peace but I can see the struggle. My dad is on palliative care and where he has treatment (not had any for roughly 6 months) it's being postponed but not one person seems to want to check on him at home. Not sure how these things go but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place do I ring for advice on what to do or if there is any pain relief he could take to help or do I just do as he says and leave it alone. I've never been in this position and I want to do what's right for him but I feel useless like I'm neglecting what my gut is saying which is to get someone to just check him over, see if there is anything they can do to help ease the pain.

Sorry for the long post I could write more but tried to keep it short and to the point. Thankyou

  • Hello Daisyy_4, 

    It's completely understandable that you feel you are struggling to support everyone at once - after all, you are only one person and cannot be everywhere at the same time and you are doing your very best which is already amazing and I am sure is very much appreciated by your loved ones. It's so sad what is happening to your dad and it must be really hard to watch him suffer and to feel that no one is really checking on him at home. There is however support available and I think it would not be a bad idea to ring someone, perhaps his doctor or specialist for advice on what to do and what support is available to him and what pain relief he is able to have access to. I think it's always good to follow your heart and gut feeling and therefore your instinct is right if you feel that someone needs to check him over and give him the right type of pain relief to make things more bearable for him. 

    Have a look too at our page on support at home for you and your family as I think it will give you a few good pointers on the kind of help you could reach out for. For example it might be worth looking into the community nursing support/district nurses that is available where he lives and you could see whether they could go and visit him and check that he is ok. There are also community specialist palliative care nurses and Marie Curie nurses you could get in touch with. 

    For support and information, you can also call the Cancer Research UK information nurses. They can give advice about who can help you and what kind of support is available and you can ring them on 0808 800 4040 - Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

    I hope this helps a little and that you will get some good suggestions too from members of our community who have been through something similar before. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator