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Tips on how not to be emotional

Spbfaa
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My mom has myeloma. She was diagnosed in 2013 when I was 16 and it’s gotten so much worse over the past couple of years. So, she’s had her transplant and chemo and she said she feels better but she hasn’t been out of hospital for even a month. I think I am being kept in the dark. Anytime I talk to her or hear anything in terms of an update. I just cry which is why my dad and older sister don’t tell me if anything happens. Does anyone have any tips on how to control emotions when things are mentioned or my mom has to have a procedure. 

  • Hello Spbfaa

    I'm sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. It's naturally been a difficult time for you all and it is understandable that at times you may feel overwhelmed by the emotions that you're feeling. 

    Do you know if there are particular things that can leave you feeling overwhelmed by how you're feeling? For example, maybe you are scared of losing your Mum. It could be that you're frustrated by your Dad and sister not sharing information with you. Or perhaps you're angry that you/your Mum are in this situation. Maybe by exploring some of your thoughts and feelings surrounding your Mum's illness, you can gain a better understanding of your emotions and so learn to manage them in a way that you are more comfortable with. 

    If you'd like to talk with someone about how you're feeling then you can contact your GP surgery or it may be that there is a charity such as Maggie's available in your local area. Perhaps talk with your Dad about how you're feeling, or maybe put down in writing to your parents about how you're struggling if speaking the words is too difficult. I'm sure that they would want to help make things easier for you if they can. 

    We do have some information on our website about managing your emotions which is aimed at people living with cancer but there are still some tips and advice there that you may find helpful. 

    Many people find talking to be a great help and here at Cancer Research UK, we have a team of nurses that you can call for advice and support if you feel that may help you. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any information and reassurance they can. 

    It is OK to not be OK, Spbfaa. And you've been very brave in reaching out for support to help you learn to manage your emotions surrounding your Mum's illness in a more healthy way. 

    Do make contact with some of the people that I've suggested and talk with your family as well. 

    I hope that over the coming days and weeks, things improve for you all and that you're able to spend quality time with your Mum. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    Hi,

    11 years is a long time to be in this anxious state, it must be exhausting for both you and your Mum. 
    Have you spoken to your GP at all? You may have developed an anxiety disorder as a result of your Mum’s cancer. 
    Although not cancer-related https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk have dedicated helplines and might be able to help you cope better.

    Good luck.
    Dave

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    Hi Spbfaa,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been suffering these emotions for so long. I was in a similar position to you, when my Mum developed primary breast cancer. It eventually led to secondary. I had 4 brothers, but as her only daughter, I felt responsible for all her needs. Living in a different country, this wasn't easy and I was persuaded to visit Maggie's. I was initially very reluctant to do this, but I found the advice I got extremely useful and it helped me to put the situation into proportion. 

    This is a lot for you to cope with at such a young age. You have had to grow up quickly. This is not the life that you would want for your mum, but we only get one chance at life. The most important thing for you to do now, is to enjoy what time you have with your mum and to make her quality of life as good as you can. Let her know how much you love her and try to keep your tears welled up, until you are away from her. You will find it helpful to talk to others, instead of bottling everything up.

    It is certainly worth making an appointment with one of Maggies' counsellors to see how they can help you.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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