Hello Draoerrach49, 

Working in a hospice, it must be so hard for you really to go back to work as your mum is so poorly. It might be worth if you haven't done so already talking to your manager at the hospice and explaining the situation and how hard it is for you at the moment and whether they have any support available for you at the moment allowing you to take time off while you are dealing with this difficult situation at home. They will be able to tell you too whether in your contract there is provision for you to take time off/some leave. Hopefully they will be understanding about the impact working in a hospice can have on you when your mum is terminally ill. 

As an employee, you are allowed to take time off work to deal with an emergency situation involving a dependant. You can find out more about your rights on the government website. It is worth telling your employer as soon as you can how much time you think you'll need so that it can be agreed. There may also be the possibility to take compassionate leave so make sure you check your employment contract, company handbook or intranet for details about compassionate leave.

If you were ever to decide to become your mum's full time carer, the government website also has useful information on eligibility for carer's allowance.

Other options may also be available to you so it's worth thinking carefully about what would work best for you both at this stage. A lot of practical and emotional support is available to you and your mum so you don't have to carry the weight of it all exclusively on your shoulders. Have a look at our website information on support at home which can take the form of GP and community nursing support, social workers who can arrange support at home or respite care for example or local support services. You might also be interested in reading our section on how to support someone with cancer. 

Finally, I would recommend you have a good read of Macmillan's page on Your rights at work while caring for someone with cancer and don't hesitate to contact the Macmillan Support Line for free on 0808 808 00 00  to speak to their Work Support team.

I hope this helps a little and that you manage to find a good solution with your employer that works for everyone but the important is that you feel ok and supported at work during this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I’ve been off work now for over a year caring for my partner who also has terminal lung cancer. I have a stage 4 disciplinary meeting in a few weeks where they will dismiss me on capability grounds. Similar to yourself I work in adult social work and I’m not capable at the moment to go back to that. It’s taken all my experience to be able to support my partner through this and I’ll be forever grateful for that but after 38 years in the job I’m devastated it will end like this. Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing even though the future is terrifying. Every moment is precious and if I can’t be there for my own then what am I? The very values that make us good at what we do have brought us to this point and I will never be made to feel ashamed of that. We will manage, not how it was but we will get there. Get advice, take all the support you can get and speak to occupational health who will support you through this. Keep your head up and take care xx