Should we tell our loved ones if their cancer worsens

  • I think that is probably something you should ask them. Whether they would want to know or not. I think in most cases, they would likely hear before their loved ones would anyway, as the medical team would presumably be speaking to them.

    But if, for some reason, they are unable to speak to the medical team and you are getting the information on their behalf, I think the best thing to do is to ask them in advance what they would want to know if you are ever given bad news, whether they would prefer to be told or not.

    It is their decision really, after all.

  • But they have deteriorated quickly I was not given the news until this happened surely this would distress them too much, how can they die peacefully

  • Hi Poppykins and welcome, I have read your other post and understand your situation, I too have terminal cancer and was in health/cancer care for 15 years and at this time I want to be told everything but I  know there will come a time when all treatment options have finished and my health is deteriorating quicker it would probably have a negative impact to be told how my health is declining when nothing can be done to stop it. Poppykins I have done a ReSPECT form and a POA so if I am mentally incapable of making decisions for myself all treatment is stopped. I know we are all different and you know your partner better than anyone but i think if your partner understands his situation it must be his choice. On your other question home or care home, It would be home every time your palliative care team and district nurse will be able to support you both at home. Can I ask, and please you don't need to answer, why was the hospice not an option. best wishes to you both.


  • Thank you, we have a small hospice andI would dearly love him to be in there but it is not possible, he has a feeding rig so home is not an option as the pallitive care is not 24 hour and this is not something I have been shown how to deal with. But I feel so guilty as I know that is what he wanted,  but he also said he did not want to be a burden on me it is so hear, take care.

  • Hi Poppykins, I am so sorry to hear this, but please don't blame yourself, sometimes decisions are out of our hands though I understand your husband not wanting to be a burden,I don't want that either,  but hearing your feelings, maybe I'm being selfish, Poppykins a feeding RIG is not difficult to maintain, maybe you could ask a nurse to show you. best wishes 

    Eddie xx