Hi Chessen,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing - this sounds like a lot to be dealing with, and you are clearly taking on a lot with this. I can understand your frustrations with the situation and around his attitude.

It doesn't seem fair for you to be put under pressure like this, particularly if it seems like he is not accepting or following the necessary help and guidance in areas such as diet and other things.

It's important that you protect your own wellbeing through this. This should be something that he understands too. It might be worth seeking some help and advice from an organisation such as Macmillan.

Do of course speak to his doctor to ask any questions or raise any concerns you may have about how he is and how he is behaving.

I also hope that this forum can be of some support to you, and that you get some more replies to your post here soon. You can also use the search bar (at the top of the page) to find other relevant discussions and people to connect with, if you would like to.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Your situation is similar to mine. My husband had an operation for stomach cancer five years ago followed by a dreadful gall bladder operation two years later. These procedures have left him very weak and utterly depressed. Our settee in the lounge has become his "sick bed" and he rarely moves from it. I suffer daily from the "death talk" and the only way I can cope is getting out of the house for a walk and a "necessary" trip to town where I spend a short time cheering myself up with a cup of hot chocolate! I don't think you will be able to change his attitude but you must look after yourself. My husband has become very dependent on me and this is a burden especially as I have just had an operation for breast cancer and suffer badly from fibromyalgia. Still, do your best to steer him off the subject of his health issues and try to keep company with people who have none! This is the only way to go forward. 

Good luck and best wishes.

You have my full sympathy x

Hi Chessen, very sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having caring for your husband. My husband was similar in that he could be very stubborn and also had been very active until his lung cancer diagnosis. I understand the feeling of wanting to scream in frustration. I felt that the world seems to be going on around you whilst youre stuck in this difficult situation. I was just saying in another post about how when my husbands walking became affected it all went downhill. his mood changed and it became very difficult to motivate him to do anything and he found little joy in doing things he used to enjoy. One thing I did find helpful was he had a best friend who would come round once or twice a week. That would help brighten his mood and also give me a little break. Id go out and have some 'me' time and recharge. I also just had a thought, i dont know what medical teams your husband is under, but our palliative care team were simply amazing and offered a lot of support. Almost wished theyd been involved sooner as they just knew what to do. I also recommend what Ben said about Macmillan, I spoke to them a fair bit during the whole cancer journey and they gave lots of great advice and could also suggest and signpost me for additional support. I really hope things improve for you both x

Thank you Ben. I agree with all you say, but as he is the one who is sick, not me, I ferl guilty about giving myself any priority. Difficult sitation and I so wish it wasn't happening. Hope this reply reaches you as I am new to this thread and maybe pressing the wrong buttons!

Thank you for your caring and helpful reply. We do have MacMillan involved and they are very helpful. My husband doesn't really do 'besties' or much socialising, but the idea is a good one and I will see if I can find someone with whom he would just like to chat. It is so hard when they are stubborn and it's  "my way or the highway."  Wishing you and your husband all the best and hope he recovers x