Hello Starnepus, so sorry for what you and your family are going through.  A few years ago my brother-in-law died from Prostate cancer.  He was the type of person that was always out and about.  He loved his pint down the pub and he was always visiting friends.  He just loved life and people......however, in the final stages of his illness, he withdrew in to himself.  He realised that he was dying and naturally, this changed his entire personality.  Sometimes when his son (my nephew) was with him, my brother-in-law would break down and cry.  It is absolutely understandable that you want your Dad to be the man he used to be, full of fun and laughter, but when you know that you are dying, it completely changes your whole outlook on life.  I wish I could give you some practical advice, but I can only tell you that I know what it feels like to watch a parent die.  I was my Mum's carer when she had terminal cancer, so I really do know how you feel.  The only thing I can do is to wish you and your family all the best, and to tell you that somehow you will find the strength to get through this cancer nightmare, you really will, x

Hi Blue-Girl

Thank you for taking the time to send me a  message. Sorry you've been through this also, it's truly horrible isn't it, to see someone you love have to suffer?

Also thanks for your wishes. We will get through it because we have to, and everyone has stuff going on. It's just so hard to not be in control, for my Dad and us. I hope you are OK. X

Thank you Starnepus.  And yes, it truly is horrible seeing someone you love suffer so much, and knowing that there is not much you can do about it.  When I was caring for my Mum in her final days, I don't think that I have ever felt so useless and hopeless in my life, and it is like you say, you feel that you have no control over the situation.  Take care, my thoughts are with you and your family, x

Hi, 

I'm in a slightly different situation as it is my husband who has cancer. He was given around a year to live at the age of 35 and at first seemed as ok as possible with the situation. He started treatment and I think he wasn't feeling better as quickly as he had hoped and started to lose hope in being able to eat normally again which was his main aim. He became quite depressed and wouldn't get dressed, didn't enjoy anything he used to and would just sit most of the day. I tried to encourage him to talk to the GP, try medication, try therapy etc but he said no to everything as he was depressed about the situation and none of those things would change that. For me the only thing that helped was getting counselling for myself which helped me to have an outlet without feeling like I was making things worse for him so I think it's definitely a good thing that you're going down that route and hope it will help you too. My husband's mood improved as his treatment started having more effect and his physical health became better. I do worry about what will happen when his health declines again but I think it may just be a reality of the situation that he will have lower moods again. Hopefully your dad is in a low point and may come back out of it but sadly I think the best you can do is look after your own mental health for now, make sure to talk to friends, go out for walks and just do your best to spend time with your dad without expecting too much at the minute. I hope things improve for you all and wish you the best x

I'm sorry to hear about your husband, it's so hard isn't it? You're right to get counselling for yourself at this time though. Things have changed here as my Dad is back in hospital. I found him mid week on the concrete outside, out cold. Short story, he has a blood infection so has had a blood transfusion, fluids, antibiotics and will probably be discharged on Monday. I have organised a stair lift to be fitted on Monday - he will be angry at that! Knowing him, he'll struggle on past it up and down the stairs, given his stubborn nature. We had suggested blood tests 2 weeks ago, he refused and the nurse said this could have prevented this hospital stay. 

Anyway, looking after ourselves is important. I have been doing jigsaws and art, listening to audiobooks and podcasts and doing a lot of walking. Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a message, it is appreciated. I hope things improve for you and your husband, also. All the best, take care x

Blue-girl, nothing about caring for someone close is useless and hopeless, but I understand how you must have felt. It's like anything you do will never be enough. But it is, because your Mum knew you were there. Whenever my Dad seems ungrateful, I know it's the disease and not him, and I just think about others in his situation who don't have family. I know that I will eventually remember my Dad as his true self, and not his ill self. Sending you all the best x

Thank you Starnepus,and likewise,  wishing you and your family all the best, xx