Husband just diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

Hi All,

My lovely husband has just been diagnosed in the last 3 days with bowel cancer.  We are just waiting to see how far developed it is as to what treatment he is going to receive.  He is incredibly fit and healthy and if he hadn't done the screening test sent to him we would have known no different.  My problem is that although he is fit and well AND incredibly positive I, on the other hand, am really struggling with it.  I am trying to be strong for him but I keep having relapses and I'm terrified of losing the only person in my life.

He has no symptoms whatsoever and has actually just started a sponsored walk for prostate cancer with our dog.  I think what I'm asking is how do people cope in my position and try and stay strong.  I wish so much I had my husbands outlook on life.  He's a pure bred optimist and I'm the original pessimist.

Thanks everyone x

  • Online in reply to AliT

    We have been lucky - I always thought that was a strange thing to say by people who had / were affected by cancer but we now know the outcome could have been much worse.

    I'm delighted your husband is on the mend it all sounds perfect! I'm also the same with the Green stuff (it's a policy to not eat it :D ) One of the first things I said to my surgeon was that I really didn't one. When I came around the first thing he did was apologise that I had to have one fitted - I did not care at that point. It's amazing how you get used to it, and it becomes very much part of you. I do get the Anxiety - it just adds a little pressure when you're out and about. I managed Washington DC with one though as I was determined it wouldn't stop me.

    get that holiday booked and enjoy every minute of the time ahead. I'm so happy you had a positive outcome :)

  • I’ve just joined this forum as saw your post. My husband was diagnosed at the end of May and has his operation just over 2 weeks ago. Admitted to ICU this week as was bleeding when going to the toilet. Scan found a leak in the join from his colon to bowel, waiting for another scan this week to check as bleeding has stopped. It was great to read your post, so reassuring in what is an horrendous time for us at the moment. I hope in another 5 weeks he’ll be feeling as good as your husband does. Wishing you both all the best xx

  • I am sorry for you both but all I can say is stay strong and think positive. I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago after a colonoscopy showed a large tumour, I was scanned a few days later and waited 2 weeks to find out if it had spread. The wait outside the consultants office was the longest half hour of my life but on entering I was given the great news that there was no spread detected, and smiled when he said let’s get it out and get you cured. This may be the same for your husband so try to stay strong. I can recommend a good book that may give you hope called ‘doctors get cancer too’ Good luck 

  • Thank you so much for your wishes.  It’s been an awful time but we’ve come through it.  The next phase is getting his stoma reversed but we’ll take what we’ve got for now.  I’m sure your husband will soon be back to his old self.  The body is amazing at healing and this is just a small, albeit worrying, setback.  

    The bowel is the best for sorting itself out…..it’s just the in between stages that are horrible,  it hates being interfered with.

    Wishing you both all the very best.  Please keep us posted on how your husband is doing x x x 

  • Hi, yes we were exactly the same as you.  Mick was offered 3 months of chemo to see if the tumour would shrink and when he asked the consultant what his advice would be he said “we operate in 3 days.  No time to wait”. He was amazing and basically said I’ve got one chance to get this and we’ll do it together.  He was absolutely amazing.  Mick has now put some weight back on and is looking back like his gorgeous self…..I am biased mind.  

    I’ll definitely look for that book.  

    Good luck in everything x x 

  • Offline in reply to AliT

    Hi Alit.

    It's so reassuring to hear positive stories.

    It's a horrible thing to go through & seems,at times, like you are the only ones.

    My lovely husband is just about to start chemotherapy. We are aware of all the possible side effects. All the advice & support we get on here is invaluable & always welcome.

    God bless you all xxx

  • Offline in reply to AliT

    Sending a massive hug to your husband and an even bigger one for you.  Sometimes people forget about the person sitting waiting for news on their loved one.  Let us know how he gets on x x x 

  • The 2 weeks between finding the mass and the surgeons appointment were beyond awful and like you said the half hour sitting outside the office was the longest, I can’t even describe the feelings I had let alone imagine how my husband was feeling. His surgeon said the same as yours, let’s get it out and get you cured. We were told Thursday there was no cancer in the nodes but we have to wait for the next appointment to find out if he will need chemo. I will look for the book. Good luck with your surgery, I hope it goes well. 

  • Thank you, good to know the bowel can sort it self out as that’s what his needs to do. It’s given me great comfort finding this group, I should have thought about looking months ago. It’s been so hard. He’s hopefully coming home again tomorrow and will need to go back for the ct scan xxx

  • Some great and positive responses in this thread. I think it's worse for the significant other than the person going through it some ways. We get the sympathy, the attention and all the care. It's *** and I wouldn't wish it on anyway - but we get looked after. My surgeon was also amazing... positive, friendly and above all professional - he got the job done.

    I'll never forget my wife saying "we fight this together" it meant the world to me. The wait to see if it's spread is horrendous - I had a spot on my liver on my scans, luckily it was nothing.

    The worst side effect for me from Chemo, particular post surgery, was the sickness in the first cycle. if that had continued, I wouldn't have done a second cycle. The fantastic oncologist and nurses quickly adjusted drugs and got on top of it though. The funniest was the weird tingling of colder things on my hands and feet - I had to wear gloves to hold knives and forks :D