Dear Katie,

I'm so sorry for all you are going through - your loved one's cancer, plus now addiction and separation, and single parenthood, are a whole lot of mountains for one woman to be going through! So I am glad you have encouraged your loved one to go to AA. You can't however force him to keep going, as I'm sure you know and regret. So of most importance is that you look after yourself -  so I hope you can find the time to go to Al Anon, the self-help organisation for the families and friends of alcoholics, and/or N Anon, for the relatives of people using narcotics. They help people accept that we have no power over anyone except ourselves, and how to be compassionate without 'enabling' the loved one's addiction (e.g. by giving them money when they wasted all their own on drink or drugs. This doesn't actually help, so please don't feel guilty when you say 'No').

I get that you are very busy and stressed, but they also have on-line groups, if if is difficult for you to attend meetings. I know from personal experience that they can be wonderfully inspiring programmes, and can be a source of great strength and of friendship, from others who will understand your pain and fears.

Paranoia, by the way, is a common symptom of cocaine addiction - and very hard to be on the receiving end of. So please so not feel guilty about prioritising your daughter's safety and security, and your own. If he is ever to get well - and many addicts who stick with these programmes DO get well, even when they have numerous other problems and illnesses like cancer - he will do so only by accepting that HE has to take responsibility for himself. 

I wish you healing and recovery, and trust that one day you will again find light in your life. God bless.

Dear Katie,

I'm so sorry for all you are going through - your loved one's cancer, plus now addiction and separation, and single parenthood, are a whole lot of mountains for one woman to be going through! So I am glad you have encouraged your loved one to go to AA. You can't however force him to keep going, as I'm sure you know and regret. So of most importance is that you look after yourself -  so I hope you can find the time to go to Al Anon, the self-help organisation for the families and friends of alcoholics, and/or N Anon, for the relatives of people using narcotics. They help people accept that we have no power over anyone except ourselves, and how to be compassionate without 'enabling' the loved one's addiction (e.g. by giving them money when they wasted all their own on drink or drugs. This doesn't actually help, so please don't feel guilty when you say 'No').

I get that you are very busy and stressed, but they also have on-line groups, if if is difficult for you to attend meetings. I know from personal experience that they can be wonderfully inspiring programmes, and can be a source of great strength and of friendship, from others who will understand your pain and fears.

Paranoia, by the way, is a common symptom of cocaine addiction - and very hard to be on the receiving end of. So please so not feel guilty about prioritising your daughter's safety and security, and your own. If he is ever to get well - and many addicts who stick with these programmes DO get well, even when they have numerous other problems and illnesses like cancer - he will do so only by accepting that HE has to take responsibility for himself. 

I wish you healing and recovery, and trust that one day you will again find light in your life. God bless.