Lost and angry

My mom got her terminal diagnosis in April just after getting her cancer free diagnosis in January and I am so lost and angry at the world. I’m 21 now and when she was first diagnosed was in 2021 with colon cancer I was in 19. I’m just so angry that she has to go through so much and I can’t do anything to help. She had cancer in her liver and lungs and we just found out that it could be in her spine. She did an mri and we’re waiting for the news. Since April none of the treatments have worked to shrink it and the doctors keep saying there are other chemos that we can try. I just find it so hard to be hopeful. My mam was in and out for f hospital for months over the summer and I was in there every day before and after work. I’ve 3 siblings and I’m the second youngest but I just feel like I’ve taken it all on so they wouldn’t have to. I thought I could handle it but I can’t cope seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything. Sorry this is so long I just don’t know what to do.

  • She seems very weak so I couldn’t imagine her coming home, just getting worse.

    she did say she was a bit scared, but she is of the generation where she says there’s nothing I can do about it and she just accepts that it’s her time to go and says what a wonderful life she has had.

    Thank you for the suggestion, I might ask her about this tomorrow!!

    I don’t have any siblings…that is what I am also finding hard!! I have no family of my own or siblings, so am now in mine and my mums house in my own. I do have lots of other family who are visiting and checking on me as well as lots of friends. This helps to know that people are here but is obviously does t stop the overwhelming sadness.

    I wasn’t there when they came today but a palliative care nurse came to see her this morning and left her number if I had any questions. I think she said she was starting a new regime tomorrow with morphine.

    I hope this will help mum be more comfortable, but I’m worried that it will make her even more groggy and tired, so less able to chat and maybe a bit confused…who knows!!

    thank you again for replying xx

  • HI Starshine,

    I am so sorry to hear this and hope hat you are wrong. 

    My Mum was of the same stoic generation and although she put a brave face on things, she was absolutely terrified. It might be worth talking to your Mum tomorrow to see how she really feels. Also, have you discussed where she would like to spend her last days? We don't always get to do what we want, but you'll find it useful to know. Would she be happy to pass in hospital, or prefer a hospice, or would she really like to go at home?

    When my 97 year old father-in-law was in his final days, he was in hospital. He had lost his wife just 3 months prior, then complained of a sore back. He had 5 visits to his GP, who told him that it was just Arthritis. On his final visit, he saw another GP, who referred him to the day hospital, for assessment the following day. He arrived at 11.00am and by 2.00pm, we were taken into a room and told that his body was riddled with cancer and at best, he had about 2 weeks to live. The environment and care in the hospital were not the best for end of life care, but when we discussed moving him to a hospice, just 10 minutes drive from the hospital, we were told that he was too ill to move. On his fourth day, they decided to move him and he passed away quietly overnight on the fifth..

    I am sorry that I mentioned siblings in my last reply - I was already composing my next reply to someone else in my head, as I wrote to you. I know that you are on your own, which is why this is so hard for you. Did the palliative care nurse have much to say to your Mum today? If you have any questions, you might find it helpful to write them down, before you speak to her. 

    I hope that the Morphine will make your Mum more comfortable, although it is likely to make her sleep more - the main thing is that it should control her pain much better than her previous medication.

    Thinking of you and I am always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Hi Emma, 

    We haven't heard from you for a while and I am just wondering how you are?

    Always here for you.

    Jolamine xx